Chapter 21

May arrived home, and started to bring the fruits of her errands inside. Jared silently joined her in the garage, and began to help unload the trunk. After the third trip inside, Jared finally spoke.

“So, your friend Emily.”

May felt a flash of heat as she remembered the reason why she had slept so poorly last night. May was going to play dumb, “So, my friend Emily, “ she mimicked his pointless statement.

“Is she coming over today?” May didn’t know if he was hopeful or wary.

“We don’t have any plans, but I guess she could drop by,” it wouldn’t be a surprise if she did, since she would probably a) want to check up on Jared’s dream quality, and b) apologize to May again (in reality), though not really mean it. “Why do you ask?”

Jared was trying to keep his reserve, “I don’t know. It just seems like she’s been around more lately.”

May felt a burst of benevolence toward her brother, and toward Emily too. She had been unwilling to facilitate anything before, and maybe Emily was right to be chagrined at that. May knew she was getting set to be a hypocrite, with her plans for the evening involving Ethan. She could perhaps do these two a great kindness by simply speaking plainly now; she hoped doing so would produce some good karma.

“Jared, in case you were somehow unaware, Emily has had a crush on you for years.” May looked at her brother with a bit of exasperation. “There, I’ve said it. Do what you want with the knowledge.” She walked away, leaving Jared with a confused half-smile on his face.

Emily answered the phone on the first ring when May called her. She must have been expected it.

“Hello?” she sounded guarded.

May sighed at her poor friend. Fighting wouldn’t do any good, so she surrendered. “You already know what I think,” May began. “But I can’t force my opinions on you, so I think we should just leave the issue alone.” It was nice how she could know that Emily would take her meaning without need for any explanation.

“Thanks May,” she sounded relieved, “But I do want to apologize for going behind your back and all that.” Emily trailed off, it was plain to May that she wanted to ask how Jared was this morning, but was afraid of trying May’s patience.

“Jared asked about you this morning,” May offered.

There was a small gasp on the other line, “He did? What did you say?”

“I didn’t think you’d mind, so I told him that you have a crush on him.” May paused, “Do you mind?”

There was a silence, then an exclamation, “That depends on what he said!”

“He didn’t say anything,” I didn’t give him a chance to, “but he did smile. So, take from that what you will. And with that, I have said all I can bear to on the topic!” May brought the subject to a close.

“You are the best friend ever,” came the appreciative reply.

Not long after the phone call with Emily, Ethan called May to firm up their evening plans. It was him who suggested that they go to his house.

“Your brother hates me,” was Ethan’s argument. Bulletproof as he carried himself, he wasn’t a sucker for punishment.

“Yep.” May wasn’t in the habit of maintaining illusions for Ethan’s benefit. “Your places it is.”

Upon hanging up, she caught herself dancing a bit as she made her way to her room. Crap. She was doing just what she knew she shouldn’t, and it could only amount to emotional self-mutilation. Her obvious weakness and inability to maintain a steady course in either direction was maddening.

Here is how she knew the romance between them was born out of the reflective magic of the mirror: She loved him more than reason allowed. And for the way she felt like a truck had backed over her when there was the slightest amount of disharmony, she was beginning to absolutely hate him. It wasn’t his fault that he had this power over her; but it was easier to hate the person who sponsored her wretched feelings than the inanimate object that was actually to blame. Though she was completely inexperienced in matters of the heart, such extremes of passion were surely unnatural.

When she met up with Ethan that night, she would give him a lecture that would be as much for her benefit as his. There could be no blurring of lines between friendship and ownership of each other. She would lay down the law, lest he have any plans to try and win her over.

Her bed was still calling to her, so May curled up to sleep the rest of the morning away. She rose groggily at lunchtime, when she secured permission to borrow her dad’s car again this evening to go to Ethan’s house. It would be too date-like if he came and picked her up.

The rest of the afternoon was spent on homework, which she finally caught up on. She felt proud of herself for getting it all done, and it would leave her with a very relaxing Sunday. Soon it was time to leave for Ethan’s, she did a quick check in the mirror before taking a deep breath and heading out the door.

“Hey!” Ethan greeted her at his door with an enthusiastic grin, “Come in!”

The warmth that spread through her at his smile triggered a pep talk for herself that came out as a thinly veiled rant.

“I want you to understand that I am only here as a friend, and if you flirt with me,” May held up one finger, “sit too close to me,” another finger; “or do any other thing designed to make me want you,” another; “I will just go home.”

Ethan froze, eyebrows raised in surprise at her incongruous speech.

May instantly felt embarrassed for her outburst. “And, uh… Hi! Thanks for having me!” She turned her voice to chipper.

He smiled at her shift to normalcy, but still responded, “Don’t worry, I’ll be on my best behavior. Besides, we have a chaperone,” He threw his hands up in anticipation of her protest at the implications behind a chaperone. “Not that we need one; that’s just to say, my mom is home tonight.”

At her mention, she emerged from the background. “Ethan, don’t leave your friend just standing out there, invite her in!”

“I’m trying, Mom!” he instantly turned into the teenaged boy addressing his mother.

May stepped in and got a better look at her. But for Ethan’s transformation, she would not have guessed this woman could be his mother. She had expected a woman in her mid-thirties, and May supposed that is how old Ethan’s mom must be, but she looked even younger. The woman was very pretty, and dressed as though she still shopped in the Junior’s section. That isn’t to say she looked ridiculous, as some women who don’t know the fashion limits of their age do; she was just very youthful. For a reason May couldn’t quite pinpoint, this mother’s attractiveness made her intimidating.

“May, this is my Mom,” Ethan made a cursory introduction. May had never seen him uncomfortable before, but he clearly was now.

“Very nice to meet you, May. You can call me Tammy.” Tammy shook May’s hand, but looked on her with suspicion. “Honey,” she addressed Ethan now, “I need you to run out to my car and get my phone charger, please.”

Ethan was obedient, and May was left in the awkward position of still being eyed by Tammy, the overprotective too-young mother hen.

“So, May. You are a friend of my Ethan’s?” May could clearly sense that Tammy was feeling out the depth of this relationship. The question was not meant to be friendly, she was staking her territory. May was all at once very glad that she was not Ethan’s girlfriend, and she could answer honestly.

“Yes. We have known each other since elementary school, actually.” May felt the need to establish herself.

“Oh, is that so? I just don’t remember him ever mentioning you, I thought you must be new!” She said the words as though they were meant innocently, but May was observant enough to understand that they were meant to cut. It didn’t bother May that Ethan had never mentioned her; in the same situation with a jealous mother like this, May wouldn’t have said anything either.

“No, not new,” May made herself sound friendly. “We-- that is, Ethan, Ryan, and me-- have a class together this year and we have been hanging out more lately. The three of us.” Maybe including Ryan in the scenario would make Tammy back off a bit.

It did. Tammy instantly warmed, “My nephew, Ryan?” she beamed, “Oh, he is such a good boy, isn’t he?” A look of understanding flashed across her face, as she threw up her hands as though to pause the conversation. May had seen Ethan do the exact thing when talking to her, and the resemblance was a little shocking.

“Hold on, I do know who you are!” Tammy had shifted her take on May and was now behaving like she was one of her girlfriends. “You went out with my Ryan last night, didn’t you?”

Why was everybody hers, May wondered. And how did she know about last night with Ryan?

“Yes, like I said, Ryan is a friend, too.” May didn’t dislike a lot of people, but she was really beginning to dislike Tammy.

“You’re probably wondering how I knew about that, aren’t you?” she looked proud of herself for her omniscience.

“I’m guessing he told his mom and she told you?” May bristled against people who acted like they knew her when they clearly didn’t, and was unwilling to make Tammy’s feat of knowledge appear impressive.

Tammy looked like she was about to dig in and try to get May to dish about her ‘nephew,’ but Ethan mercifully came back in, charger in hand.

“Oh, don’t fold the cord like that, Ethan! You’ll ruin it!” his mother hopped up and snatched the cord from him, fussing with it as she left the room.

May couldn’t see how he had done anything wrong, and with her immediate distaste for Tammy, she felt the urge to contradict his chastisement and comfort Ethan; but then she saw that he was unphased.

“Ready to hit the kitchen?” he asked, excitement in his eyes.

“Do you cook a lot?”

“I do, actually! It’s another one of my deep, dark secrets.”

“Flower arrangements and cooking.” May shook her head in surprise. “You are so domesticated!”

“Do you ever cook?” He asked her in return.

“Not really. I think I’d be capable enough, if I ever needed to; but my mom is so crazy. She plans our meals a month in advance and they are always prepared and frozen like a week ahead of time.” She shrugged and offered, “So, I’m really good at re-heating.”

Ethan became a culinary instructor, showing her his method of doing things, and praising her efforts as she followed his instructions. They were making fried chicken; he claimed he had the Colonel’s recipe practically cracked. He never touched her though they worked closely together at the counter. Even when directing her in de-boning the chicken breast, he only mimicked the actions for her to follow and ghosted his hands over hers.

She had thought that any contact between them would cause her defenses to crumble, but now she thought this careful non-contact might actually be worse. He was so near to her, she could easily shift her weight and be leaning into him for a casual snuggle. One twist of her wrist would put their hands touching. It was just so tempting. But Ethan kept his word, and he was behaving; he did nothing to encourage her longings.

Tammy’s random wanderings in and out of the kitchen served to restrain May when she thought she was about to crack. Each time she passed, she sniped at Ethan for something new. “Oh, I hate it when you cook with oil. I can’t get the smell out of the house for days!”; “Don’t put hot pans on the counters!” (Even though he was clearly using hot pads); “Did you mess with the thermostat again? I’ve told you not to touch it!”

May was beginning to wonder if Ethan’s mom ever spoke to him at all if not to nag. It didn’t seem to bother him, but it really bothered May.

When they were taking their food out to the back patio to eat, Tammy called after them, “Ethan! Don’t leave a mess out there, I don’t want any wild animals coming around.” It wasn’t a horrible thing to request, but it was the last straw for May.

Once they were alone outside she could finally exclaim, “Holy crap, Ethan! Does your mom ever stop?”

“Stop what?” Ethan was genuinely unaware of any problem.

“The whole time I’ve been here, she is constantly on you for one thing or another. Doesn’t it drive you crazy? She’s not even talking to me, and it was making me nuts!”

“She’s just being a mom,” Ethan defended her casually. “Doesn’t your mom tell you what to do?”

“If I’ve done something wrong, she tells me, yeah… but your mom corrects you when you aren’t even doing anything wrong. And she doesn’t give you a chance to do something right before she tells you how to do it.”

“Well, you’ve been around her for all of one hour, so…” Ethan began kindly and trailed off. If he had finished his sentence, it probably wouldn’t have sounded as nice.

May caught the message that she was going down a bad path, so back pedaled. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I should mind my own business. Hey!” she exclaimed suddenly, in order to unavoidably change the subject, “I think you are right about having cracked the secret recipe; this is amazing!”

“Thanks!” He smiled big, “You actually did most of it yourself, so now you can tell people you know how to cook.”

They finished their meal, and sat back in the comfortable patio chairs, still talking as the sky grew darker. It had been another unseasonably warm day, but now that the sun was gone, the air quickly chilled. May hadn’t brought a jacket, and borrowing something that smelled like Ethan would be out of the question.

“Well, I think I need to get going, now.”

Ethan looked disappointed, but didn’t try to argue. “Alright. Did you have fun?”

May reflected on the evening, and excepting his awkward mother and her own struggle to keep herself platonic, she had had a fantastic time. Ethan was witty and charming as ever, and the conversation and activity were awesome.

“Yeah, I had a great time with you tonight. Thanks for suggesting it.” It really did beat sitting at home trying not to think about him.

“So, please don’t get mad at me,” Ethan began cautiously, “but I just have to ask. You like being with me, so why did you decide you don’t want to date me?”

May couldn’t very well answer, “I only like you because I was messing with a voo-doo mirror,” so she became avoidant. “You didn’t want to date me either.”

“Is that why? Because you thought I didn’t want to?”

“Yes. And no.” May was becoming flustered, “Ethan, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I know, I know, I know,” he threw up his hands in the move that now made her think of his mother. “I just have to state for the record, that I always liked you, and I always wanted to date you. You are kind and smart and cute and fun, and I was just… I had to reconcile some things first.”

Hearing him say these things was not helping her to heal from the damage the mirror caused. She closed her eyes to focus, because looking at his handsome face as he confessed his admiration for her was more than a girl should be called upon to endure.

He continued while he could, rambling, “It was hard for me to believe that you would like me too. I can see I screwed things up pretty big along the way, and now you don’t anymore, and I’m just really, really sorry. I guess your good opinion once lost is gone forever.”

May opened her eyes and looked at him, squinting, “You stole that line from Pride and Prejudice.”

Ethan paused, waiting to see if she was going to say anything else. She wasn’t. “My mom made me watch it,” he finally confessed.

“Flowers, cooking, Jane Austen… and yet you seem so manly.” May teased, trying to steer the conversation away from matters of the heart. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”

The breeze picked up, and caused them both to shiver. “Alright, alright, I’ll let you leave now,” Ethan playfully herded her toward her car. “Goodnight!”

“Bye, bye,” she waved as she drove away.

Meeting his mother made May feel as though she knew Ethan on a different level now. Just as Ryan had indicated to her the day he told her about Ethan’s family, seeing how his mom was cast clarity on Ethan’s personality. This was a problem because she could see that Ethan’s virtues persisted in spite of his upbringing, not because of it. How could he be such a happy, kind sort of person when at home he was constantly harangued and anyone trying to form an intimacy was shooed off? It was no wonder he sought so much female adoration at school. May was certain Ethan could only improve upon close association with a female who would encourage and compliment him.

He clearly wanted May to be that female, she now understood. May didn’t think highly enough of herself to truly think that Ethan would like her much without the help of the mirror. He had said he had “always” liked her, but what did that mean? Even if she took that to mean that he liked her like this in the pre-mirror era, what about her? She didn’t feel the same way before. When things got back to normal, she would be back to her old motto about him, which had been, basically, “Ethan: take him or leave him, though it is so much more fun to take him.” She had enough real affection and pity for him now that if she couldn’t do it for her own sanity, she could keep things platonic so as to not break his heart.

May had never been one to eat her feelings, but she drove home craving to eat something that might give her a stomachache.

Chapter 20

May knew she had been asleep, because she had been having a strange dream about being chased by a tornado. Then it shifted, and she was at her home on a regular afternoon. But for the fact that she arrived at her house by riding in a storm chaser’s van, it would have been very easy to confuse this part of the dream with reality.

The dream unfolded around her like a play that she had been conscripted into. She walked into her house, and called out to see who was home. Passing a mirror in the hallway, she saw that she was wearing her jogging clothes.

Into the living room she went, because somehow she knew she was supposed to.

“What’s going on?” She heard herself ask, and simultaneously noticed that Jared was sitting at Emily’s feet, receiving a neck and shoulder massage.

“I’m showing Jared some things my cousin taught me. She’s in school to become a massage therapist.” Emily answered.

“Where have you been?” Jared asked, seeming relieved to see May.

“I went for a jog. How long have you been here?” She was asking Emily.

“Just about long enough, I’d say!” And with that, Emily hopped up and left the room. On her way, she yelled out, “Please don’t be mad at me, May!”

The very instant Emily exited, everything went dark in May’s mind, and she suddenly jerked awake.

The clock on her nightstand read 3:26 AM. May rolled over to try and fall back asleep, rubbing her eyes and straining to remember what she had just been dreaming about. Something in the back of her mind had been bugged by her dream, but she couldn’t place it.

Then, like a floodlight came on in her mind, she remembered everything. Why had she dreamt about Jared and Emily? The two of them together was not something she wanted to think about; how strange that her mind would rebel against itself.

Emily’s strange last words of apology were also confusing. Why would May imagine that?

And then it hit her like a ton of bricks. She hadn’t imagined that. It was what Emily had actually said-- in the mirror, this afternoon when May wasn’t home to stop her.

“That sneak!” May spoke out loud to the darkness. Emily had to know that she would find out, but she had done it anyway. Was there no way to impress upon her how bad it was to go into the mirror? She wanted to call Emily that very minute and rail on her. But it was three in the morning, and she couldn’t do anything now except fume at the ceiling.

It took May a half an hour to get back to sleep after that, and when she did her dreams were about yelling at Emily until she grew hoarse.

At eight o’clock, she was awoken by her mother’s annoying nudges.

“Come on, sleepy-head. I need you to help me out with some errands today.”

May groaned and rolled over. The night’s sleep had been less than restful, and her bed was too comfortable to ignore.

“Up, up, up!” her Mom exclaimed. When May finally sat up, her mom started in detailing her day. “I’m putting on an anniversary luncheon for the Browning’s 50^th, and my side-kick had an emergency, so now I’m trying to do too many things at once and it just isn’t working.”

May’s eyes started to drop, so her mom grabbed her face to hold it up, and kept talking. “I need to be here to finish the catering. This list,” she put a piece of paper in May’s hand, “is what I need you to do for me. Get moving, the luncheon is at 11:30.”

May only sat there, looking confusedly at her mom. There was still a thick layer of fuzz around her mind.

“Now!” her mom’s command sent a shock through her spine that made her body jump out of the bed before her mind could protest. “You can take your father’s car.” With that, May found herself standing alone in her room with the list in her hand.

“Sure Mom, I’ll help. No trouble at all. Thanks for asking.” May muttered to herself sarcastically as she looked over the list. There were three things on it. They all appeared to be items that needed picking up.

May was still tired, and thought that if she did the errands as fast as she could, she could be done within an hour and come back to bed to sleep. So without bothering to get herself cleaned up, she pulled on a pair of track pants and an old sweatshirt and got in her Dad’s car.

Her first stop was to pick up some fake ivy plants from her mom’s friend’s house. That was easy enough; they were waiting for her in a box on the porch. Next was a party supply rental place, it took about fifteen minutes for her to wait in line and then pick up the table cloths and center pieces that her mom had reserved. The final stop was to pick up a flower arrangement and some corsages and boutonnières from a florist May had never heard of. She punched the address into the GPS, and imagined how she could be back in bed in twenty minutes.

As she followed the directions given to her by the smooth Englishman who lived inside the GPS, the route seemed familiar. As she neared her destination, it was with a mix of horror and pleasure that she realized she was being directed to the same nursery Ryan had stopped off at the night before. The one he worked at on the weekends.

“Oh, crap!” May said, as she looked at herself in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were puffy and had dark circles under them. She still had creases on her face from her pillow, and she hadn’t even combed through her hair before pulling it into an elastic band.

As she circled around to choose the best parking spot (the one that would best minimize the chance of anyone seeing her), May was relieved to realize that this was actually a complex that housed the nursery on the left, and a florist to the right. The rows of trees, shrubs, planters and fountains obscured her view into the cashier’s station of the nursery, and she prayed that they would offer her the same cover.

The florist shop was a small building with a cash register straight ahead of the entrance. To the left were a few rows of greeting card stands, mugs, keychains, and the other various trite gifty-things people often included with flowers. There were stacks of binders on the counter by the register containing catalogs of flowers that could be ordered. Big windows along the front of the store looked over onto the grounds of the nursery. No one else appeared to be in the shop.

May approached the counter, and saw a little bell with a sign that read, “ring for service.” She chewed her lip for a moment, hoping that it wouldn’t call someone over from the nursery. She quickly rang the bell, and watched out the window behind her to see if anyone was coming.

“Be right with you!” She heard someone call from a door behind the counter. Her heart froze at the sound of the voice. She knew it immediately. She had been so worried about running into Ryan while she looked like a hobo, that it had never occurred to her that she might run into—

“May!” Ethan exclaimed in surprise.

She was still standing with her back to the register. “Nepotism.” She cursed under her breath.

“What?” he asked, not understanding what she had said.

Running into Ethan like this was ten times worse than if it had been Ryan. She didn’t want to see him because she didn’t want to talk to him because she was totally in love with him and knew it was all wrong so she was trying to get over him, but in the meantime still wanted him so badly and here she stood looking like someone from peopleofwalmart.com. Yikes.

There was nothing to do but get the flowers and go, so she decided she would just pretend everything was normal and cool. May turned around to face Ethan.

“Ethan!” She gave him a friendly smile. “I’m here to pick up an order. The last name is Browning.”

“Wow, I’m so surprised to see you!” Ethan ignored her attempt to get down to business. He was giving her one of his patented Ethan smiles. His smile could usually brighten a room, but it didn’t seem as brilliant today. May hoped it wasn’t her fault.

“Yeah, me too.” Get me out of here, get me out of here, get me out of here… She was trying not to look at him too closely. She was afraid of reading his reaction to her appearance.

“Hey, come here.” He was leaning over the counter and beckoning for her to come closer. She felt her weakness growing. Refusing him wasn’t an option.

Covering her mouth with nonchalance, since she probably had morning breath still, she leaned against the counter and raised her eyebrows as if to say, “yes?”

Then Ethan whispered, glancing over his shoulder to the backroom. “Don’t tell anyone I work here, it’s my dirty little secret.” Apparently there was someone else in the backroom that wouldn’t like to hear his shame at his employment.

“Why is it a secret?” May asked.

“Come on, May;” Ethan rolled his eyes and whispered, “I’m a dude! Making floral arrangements isn’t very manly.”

“Wait, you aren’t just a cashier?” May had to smirk at the thought of Ethan in an apron handling baby’s breath and roses.

“Aw, see what I mean? It’s embarrassing!” Ethan shook his head.

May felt the urge to encourage him. “No, it’s not. It just makes you more interesting. But don’t worry, I won’t blab.”

Ethan smiled a little wider at that, “It makes me more interesting, does it?”

“I’m actually kind of in a hurry, can I get that order?” May refused to let him draw her in anymore. She could flatter him all the day long quite happily, but she knew she would only regret it afterward.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Browning, was it?” He immediately turned all business like and went to the backroom. If May didn’t know better, she would say his feelings were hurt. But no one could ever hurt Ethan’s feelings.

May stared up at the ceiling while she waited for the flowers. She heard the front door open behind her. A voice behind her called, “Hey, Ethan? I need a hand.” It was another voice May recognized. What had she done to deserve this?

“May?” Ryan said, as he came around one side of her. “This is a surprise! What are you doing here?” He was looking at her too intently, it made her lose the air of normalcy she had been able to keep up with Ethan.

“Ah! Don’t look at me!” she cried, trying to cover her whole head with her arms.

Ryan laughed at her. “Why not?”

“I’m a mess! I didn’t think I’d see people I knew this morning!”

Ryan grabbed one of her arms and started prying it down from over her eyes. “May? May. Have you seen what I look like today?”

She hadn’t, so she lowered one arm. He was smeared with dirt: arms, legs, torso, face; and his hair was completely disheveled with bits of leaf and cobweb strewn throughout. He stood there with his arms out, modeling his mess with an expression that said, “I win.”

May still thought that she was the winner of the ugly contest, since his had come from obvious hard work, and hers was just her natural state. But she certainly wasn’t going to try and convince him of that. “Well, I’m still embarrassed to have you see me like this.”

She became aware that sometime during her ostrich impression, Ethan had emerged from the backroom with the two large boxes that comprised her order.

“Here it is. It’s all paid up. You don’t have to worry about Ryan seeing you short of perfection anymore.” Ethan said with an edge to his usually cheery voice. Was that jealousy? “I’ll help you to your car.”

“Uh, thanks.” Ethan’s reaction left her disoriented. She grabbed one of the boxes of flowers, and headed for the door. Ryan scooted ahead of her and held the door open for the two of them as they left. “See you,” she said to Ryan.

He nodded back silently, but was scowling after Ethan.

“I get off at four, do you want to do something with me this evening?” Ethan asked in his usual upbeat tone when they got to her car. He seemed to have pushed aside whatever had set him off before.

“Uh, I don’t think…” May began, not sure how to answer.

Ethan put up his hands to stop her protest. “I know I know I know. You said you didn’t want to date. So it’s not a date! It’ll just be hanging out.”

What Ethan had no way of understand was how little a difference it made to her what they labeled their time together as.

May winced as she tried to think of an answer.

“Not a date.” He repeated, thinking he saw a chink in her armor.

A tiny little voice in her was saying it wouldn’t hurt to spend time with him as friends. If she didn’t feed the obsession by going into the mirror it would fade, right? There would be no heartbreak if they were just friends. That’s all Ethan was asking.

The little voice could sense it was gaining a foothold, so it grew bolder. In fact, it would be better to spend time with him as friends than to just ignore him. Then her heart wouldn’t run amuck with starvation. She could feed the hunger to be near him, and it would gradually fade. Then she would just be left with a friend. Who was there who couldn’t use another friend?

May surrendered. “Okay. What time do you want to get together?”

“Ha-ha! Yes!” Ethan celebrated. “Five thirty? We can make dinner together!”

Cooking something up with Ethan sounded heavenly to May. As she drove away, she kept reassuring herself that it was just something to do as friends. Friends. FRIENDS. But there was still part of her that felt like a junkie who had just fallen off the wagon.

Chapter 19

From the end of her street, May could make out the shape of a car in her driveway. As she got closer, her suspicions that it might be Emily’s were confirmed. There was a strong temptation to just keep on jogging past her house—she knew she had been unreasonable before and didn’t want to face the music.

Their friendship had never been the kind where they had fights, so this was all new. Putting things off wouldn’t make them any easier, though, so she resolved to just act grown up and deal with Emily.

May walked in the door, and listened for voices as she took off her shoes. From the family room, she could just make out the rhythm of Jared’s deep voice, and Emily’s higher voice in conversation.

“Hi guys,” May said, trying to sound as friendly and normal as possible. The two were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, just watching television.

“Hey,” they answered in unison. Emily didn’t seem angry; in fact, the look on her face seemed to be saying to May, Let’s just please forget about what happened.

May crossed the room to sit down between them. “Dog the Bounty Hunter? Seriously, Jared? Why are you making poor Emily watch this?”

“What? She said she liked it!”

May turned to Emily, “Is it all good, then?” Not referring to the choice of TV show.

“Yes, all good.”

May instantly felt all better about things with Emily. In the interim, she had been so filled with anxiety over having to patch things up, that she had forgotten the reason she liked Emily so much was how easy she was to get along with.

“So where have you been? I’ve been here for twenty minutes waiting for you to show up!” Emily asked.

It would be unnecessary to apologize for making her wait, May knew that Emily was probably very happy about it. “I decided to go jogging for a bit.”

“Oh.” Emily was silent for a minute. The reason she came by, which was probably to work out their little spat, was now pretty much resolved simply by their behaving friendly again. “So, do you want to hang out tonight?”

“Actually, I just made some plans to go out tonight.” May didn’t want to reveal much more; Jared would make fun of her, and Emily would probably have something to say, too.

“Really? What plans? A date?” Unfortunately, Emily was very interested.

Jared groaned, “Oh, please don’t say its that Ethan guy again!”

There was a little pang at the sound of his name. “No, Jared…" She said sharply, "and I don’t know if it is a date or not…” May trailed off.

“Is it Ryan!?” Emily sat up straight, excited. She obviously approved. May hadn’t gotten around to telling her about having decided to turn her attention to Ryan.

“Who, Ryan Rivers?” Jared asked. “He’s alright.” That was high praise, coming from Jared. Especially in regards to a guy spending time with his sister.

It felt nice to have these two backing her decision. “Yes, it’s Ryan.” May looked at the clock. “And sorry, but I have to go shower and get some of my homework done. I’m really behind.” She exited quickly, in order to give Emily the opportunity to stay there with Jared a bit longer. It was meant as a peace offering, and she hoped Emily could see that.

The hours that May had hoped to spend on her mountain of homework were frightfully unproductive. Her mind kept wandering, especially to her conversation with Ryan this afternoon. He had said that Ethan ‘really, really’ liked her; that he had wanted to be dating her. It made her want to give in and stop fighting against how she was feeling. But then she’d look up at the mirror hanging on her wall, and would resolve anew to get through the next couple of weeks, or however long it would take to get over Ethan. A five to ten minute bout of homework would follow, then she would repeat the cycle all over again. Eventually she just tried to focus on looking forward to her evening with Ryan. Currently, the appeal of spending time with him came from knowing that she would benefit from the calming influence he had on her. She hoped that it wouldn’t be too long before she could start feeling more romantic thoughts about him. It shouldn’t be too hard, she still regarded him as being pretty much perfect.

A few minutes before seven, May was all dressed up and ready to go. She didn’t want to look like she was trying too hard, so she just wore her favorite jeans and a top she had been told complimented her complexion. She wore her hair down and straightened.

At six fifty-nine, there was a knock on the door. It didn’t surprise May at all that Ryan would be so punctual.

“Hi, Ryan!” She greeted him warmly.

She started to step out on to the porch, closing the door behind her, but he stopped her. “Wait just a second. Are you parents around?”

“Oh.” It had never occurred to May to have her parents meet Ryan. “Um, I’m not actually sure…” Her mom was probably gone again, but she thought she had heard her dad puttering around earlier. “Here, come in.”

He followed her inside while she quickly scanned the house for any sign of her parents. She glanced out the back yard and saw her dad working on the busted car by his workshop.

“Dad?” She called to him as Ryan trailed her across the yard to where her dad was working.

Her Dad poked his head up from behind the front of the driver’s side. “Yes? Oh, who’s this?” He smiled welcomingly at Ryan.

“Dad, this is my friend Ryan. We’re going to hang out tonight.” She chose her turn of phrase very carefully.

“Sir,” Ryan approached him and shook his hand. “I just wanted to introduce myself and find out if there was a time you want May home by.”

May’s dad was clearly tickled by this young man, and by his opportunity to play interrogator. This was the first boy May had ever introduced him to like this.

“Well, Ryan,” her dad said, putting an odd emphasis on his name. “Where do you plan to take my daughter this evening?”

“I thought we’d go play some Bingo down at the community center.”

May thought for a second that Ryan must be kidding, and started to chuckle, but then his eyes caught hers and she realized he was serious. “Bingo? For real--Bingo.”

“That sounds fine. You two have fun; I would like May home by eleven, Ryan.”

“Yes, sir. Pleasure meeting you.” Ryan gave May’s dad one of those silent nods that men always give each other, and then the two of them were on their way.

“Your dad fixes cars?” Ryan asked when they were through the side-yard and almost to his car.

“Well, not as a matter of habit… just when one of ours needs it.”

“That was the car you usually drive, wasn’t it? What happened to it?”

Ryan had apparently noticed the body damage that May was still very ashamed about having caused. “Um, I did. That is, I had a little bitty accident.”

“Wow, you weren’t hurt were you?” he showed real concern. “When did it happen?”

“No, nothing hurt but my pride. That was Monday.” Monday seemed very far away, now.

“Geez, May! I didn’t know that. You have had a rough week!” He held the door open for her as she climbed in the car.

Changing the subject, May asked, “So we’re really going to play Bingo?”

“Yes!” Ryan emphasized. “Why do you find that so hard to believe?”

“I just always think of Bingo as an activity for the elderly or foreign language classes.”

“Just trust me, it is actually really fun.” He laughed at her generalization. “Oh, I hope you don’t mind, but I need to make a quick stop on the way. It’ll be like, thirty seconds.”

“Sure, I don’t care. What’s the stop?”

“I have to drop something off at work before they close.”

This was something May hadn’t known about Ryan. “I didn’t know you had a job; where do you work?”

“Oh, it’s just a weekend thing. My Aunt and Uncle own a nursery, and I work for them.”

“You take care of babies on the weekends?” That was unexpected.

Ryan burst out with a loud laugh, startling May. “No, not like a daycare. Like, a plant nursery. Flowers, trees, dirt, bark dust… that sort of thing.”

May blushed at her ignorance, “Oh… wow, I feel dumb.”

“It’s an easy mistake,” Ryan assured her. “No, sometimes I have a hard enough time keeping the plants alive; it would be a really bad idea to put me in charge of little humans.”

The stop was a short one, just as Ryan had said. Then they were on their way to the community center, where May learned her previously held prejudices were one hundred percent accurate. They were probably the only people there who didn’t have AARP cards in their wallets.

Even though there were times when May felt like their youth and manner of play made them a spectacle, it actually was very fun. Ryan had a method of Bingo playing he called “speed Bingo.” They had fifteen cards in play at one time, all spread out before them. Each of them had their own Bingo marker, and every time a number was called, they madly scanned all the cards, trying to be the first to spot and mark it.

They agreed that whichever of them was to mark the number that was the last in a BINGO would get to select their prize from the table of prizes donated by various local organizations and businesses. The competition between them grew friendly but fierce, and they were diving under each other’s arms trying to get at the cards before the other could.

“I never knew you were so violent!” Ryan exclaimed at one point, after May slapped his arm out of her way to mark B-6.

“I really want that cheese basket, dang it!” She yelled back with faux ferocity.

In the end, Ryan was the one to mark a BINGO and pick a prize. He returned to their table carrying May’s coveted cheese basket. “For you May,” he handed it to her, “Courtesy of the local chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution.”

After Bingo, May insisted Ryan join her at her house in sharing their winnings. “After all,” she had said, “I’m pretty sure my ancestors were fighting on the British side of the American Revolution. It would be wrong of me to take all this Yankee cheese for myself.”

The whole evening, May never thought once about Ethan. She was more sure than ever that spending time with Ryan like this would be exactly the best thing for her. He never made a move that would make her think the night was anything more to him than two friends going out; but that was just right for her, too. If she were honest with herself, she would admit that she really wasn’t ready for anything more than friendship between them.

At eleven o’clock, Ryan left to go home. May walked him to the door.

“This was seriously one of the most fun nights I’ve ever had. Thanks again.”

“I’m glad, I’d hoped to be able to help you end your sour week on a high note,” Ryan said as he put on his jacket.

“You definitely did.”

Ryan stepped out the door, “We’ll do it again sometime soon, yeah?”

“That would be awesome.” May waved goodnight, “See you later.”

“’Night!”

She closed the door behind him, and ran upstairs to go to sleep before the contented mood Ryan put her in could wear off.

Chapter 18

After school, May hid out in the bathroom waiting for the halls to clear. She had a feeling Ethan might try looking for her, and she was doubting the strength of her resolve to brush him off. So, she leaned against the wall, head back and eyes closed, waiting for 2:45 when it would be safe to leave. Emily was there with her, sitting on the small couch that was near the sinks.

They lingered in silence, and May found it surprisingly restful. After a time, she opened her eyes to check the time, and saw Emily had a far-away expression on her face.

“What are you thinking about?” Emily flinched back to reality at the sound of May’s voice.

“Oh! Um…," Emily blushed a little.

The way she hedged told May everything she needed to know. “Emily! You know the mirror is messing with you just like it did to me! You have to stop thinking about my brother.”

The way May regarded the mirror now was as though it poisoned anything it touched, making it all unnatural and wrong somehow. The only antidote to it would be to gouge the infected portions out of her life, and she thought that Emily would need to do the same thing, too.

“No, I don’t!” Emily’s response was uncharacteristically sharp. “You know I’ve liked him for a long time. I don’t have to try and pretend like I don’t just because the mirror made me like him a little bit more.”

“'A little bit more'? You were never off in dreamland thinking about him before.”

“Oh, and how would you know that? I’m not even allowed to talk about him with you.”

May had unknowingly stepped into a landmine. “What are you talking about, you mention him all the time!”

“Yeah, and whenever I do, you tell me to stop or you make weird faces.” Emily was actually angry now. “I’ve sat and listened to you alternately whine and gush about the boys you like, but you won’t do the same for me.”

May was totally taken aback; she had no idea Emily had been holding all that in. It made her angry in return that she would just wait until she was ready to burst before making any mention of her discontent.

“Wow, I’m sorry.” May said sarcastically, “I had no idea I was such a horrible friend! I won’t make you sit here with me and my selfishness anymore.” She pushed herself off from the wall, and left the bathroom, fuming.

Where had all that come from? May was just trying to save her friend from the torture that she was now enduring, and here Emily was, wanting to feed the monster! And to go on acting like May only ever wanted to talk about herself; forbidding Emily to talk about the boys she liked… it was ridiculous!

So Emily had only ever really like Jared-- of course that would make it difficult when it was time to talk about boys! What did she expect out of May? For her to say, Oh, I know! He’s just so hot. Do you want me to steal some of his underwear on laundry day? All in all, she had thought she had been very diplomatic about Emily liking Jared. Now she was just mad.

Making her way through the parking lot and toward home, the stomping of her feet gradually softened to regular footfalls. She was beginning to see that she could have handled things a lot differently back there with Emily. It didn’t have to turn into a fight like that with her storming off… but for some reason it had, and now she felt too embarrassed to go back and talk to Emily.

May hated having to apologize and make up after things like that. Now instead of discomfort over her anger, she felt guilt and stress over now needing to call Emily and patch things up.

Blah! She thought. She wasn’t depressed or suicidal, but she was thinking of how nice it would be to just take a break from existing for a little while. All of her emotions from the past week were very wearying. To just be blank; to be nothing, to feel nothing. The thought of it seemed very appealing.

The last time she had felt this way, going for a jog had really helped. So, she decided that when she got home she would head off for another one, straightaway. Then the thought dawned on her that she could kill two birds with one stone. She didn’t know if Ryan would be out running again today, but since he said he was training, it seemed to her that there was a good chance he would be. She could “accidentally” run into him again (not quite so literally this time), and she could begin work on her distraction from… that other problem, whose name she didn’t want to think about.

Once home, she got into her jogging clothes and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, then headed off again along her favorite route. It seemed to her to be about the same time she had set off yesterday, so she hoped she could run into Ryan at about the same point. When she got to the part on her run when the path went up the incline and joined with the levee path, she paused and hid behind a tree, watching for Ryan to be coming in the distance.

After a couple minutes, she started to feel foolish. She didn’t even know if Ryan was out running today at all, let alone where and when he had started. She could be waiting a really long time. Just as she decided to finish her jog and forget about running into Ryan, she caught sight of him coming around a bend about sixty yards back.

The surprise of actually seeing him coming sent her heart into over drive, and she realized she would need to get going right now. She took off jogging again, being careful to make it appear as if she hadn’t seen him. Her thoughts were racing; she hadn’t thought this plan through past this point.

Just keep jogging, she assured herself. Don’t worry about what happens next. Ryan would almost certainly be the one to say hello to her, since he was a faster runner, and was coming up from behind. May decided just to let things unfold naturally from there. No need to hyper-orchestrate things.

Looking back to see where he was would give her away, and she wanted to be able to act surprised to see him whenever he did say hello. The suspense was killing her, and she couldn’t understand why she was feeling nervous now. She had never felt nervous around Ryan before. But then again, she had never set out with intentions to… to what? What did she intend to come of this Ryan distraction? Did she want to make herself be obsessed with him, instead? Did she want him for a boyfriend? Did she want to make him chase after her? She really didn’t know. She was acting blindly at this point, because in truth she was still pining after… Ryan’s cousin.

Her heart fluttered at the passing thought of the boy, and she quickly shoved it to the back of her mind. Footsteps were approaching her fast from behind, now. It must be Ryan; no one else had been on the path.

The sound of his footfalls got louder and louder until May realized he was actually speeding up, and passing around her left side. He showed no sign of slowing or stopping.

“Hey.” He called back flatly, as he passed.

The cool reception caught May off guard. She stopped dead in her tracks, she had really been expecting him to at least sound pleased to see her. What was wrong?

Sprinting now to catch up to him, May called out, “Ryan! Wait up!”

He glanced over his shoulder and obeyed, but didn’t say anything.

When she was a few strides behind him, she called again, “Ryan, is something wrong?”

Now it was his turn to stop, and he surprised her when he asked, with accusation in his tone, “Why did you break up with Ethan?”

“What?” She spat out in surprise.

“I talked to him after school and he told me you broke things off.” Ryan waited for her response.

“Well, yeah. I wouldn’t say I ‘broke up’ with him, since we were hardly going out, though.” May didn’t understand why it would be anything to Ryan.

“He really, really liked you.” Again with accusation.

“He did?” May tried to shake off the way that knowledge warmed her inside. “Look, I’ll tell you what I told him. It was just a bad idea to begin with, and I shouldn’t have pushed it on him.”

“I talked to him yesterday when you asked me to, and he told me all about it then. To hear him tell it, you didn’t push anything on him. So why did you end it?” Ryan asked again.

May felt defensive at Ryan’s forcefulness. She had never seen him like this before. “I’m not sure I understand why you care.”

“Just tell me honestly, is it because of the private stuff I told you about him yesterday?”

“What?! No!” May answered loudly. Those things had never crossed her mind except to make her even more endeared to him.

Her immediate shock at his question seemed to assure him of her sincerity. His countenance immediately softened, and he now looked apologetic. “Ah, I’m sorry May… I just thought…” he trailed off, embarrassed. “Well, I thought that you might have like, used me to get at information that left Ethan vulnerable, and now he is hurt because of it.”

“What the heck?” May was shaking her head. “Seriously, is there something about me that I’m not seeing? Why do people seem to so easily assume bad things about me?” She wasn’t addressing Ryan specifically, just the universe in general. But Ryan answered anyway.

“No, May, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry, it really is nothing about you.” Ryan put his hand on her shoulder to try and comfort her. “I have a real thing about people keeping confidences. I made a huge, wrong assumption based on the strength of my peeve with people who betray them.”

“I believe you,” Ryan looked relieved as she said this. “But that only accounts for one of the three times in the last day that people have been miffed at me for things I was truly innocent of!”

“I can’t speak to those others, but seriously, let me re-emphasize to you that it was my flaw, not yours, that made me think that. Now I feel like such a jerk.” He looked like he was going to be sick.

It was May’s turn to comfort Ryan. “Flaw?” She nudged him playfully. “Ryan, I’m pretty sure that you are a mortal and so you must have flaws somewhere, but I’ve never seen a-one of them. To think that people should be trustworthy isn’t a flaw.”

“Well, it can be when taken to extremes. But thank you for the compliment.” They were both happy, now.

Ryan re-started the conversation, “So, another rough day then?”

May looked at him in askance.

“Jogging to clear your head again?” he prompted.

“Oh! Yes.” May nodded, wondering how again it seemed she was going to be dumping all her problems to Ryan. “Actually, it’s been more of a rough week. I feel like I’ve aged ten years in the last five days.” She laughed at herself derisively. “I really don’t know what’s with me lately.” That last part was a blatant lie, but she didn’t want Ryan to think she was always this crazy. “Thank you, by the way.”

“For what?” Ryan furrowed his brow.

“You have been very nice to me, and I really appreciate it. You are always kind, but I needed it more than usual this week, and you seemed to sense that.” She wasn’t trying to puff him up; it was true.

Ryan was clearly uncomfortable being complimented. “Well, to make up for just now when I wasn’t so nice… do you want to do something with me tonight?”

May smiled. This would be perfect. She was happy and calm when she was with Ryan, and happy and calm were a combination of feelings she hadn’t had together for too long. “Yes!”

Ryan laughed at her eager answer, “Don’t you want to know what I have in mind?”

May felt a little embarrassed for showing her enthusiasm so freely, but didn’t care enough to be coy now. “It doesn’t really matter to me! I’m sure anything you want to do would be fine.”

“What if I wanted to go help out the parks and recreation department by sanitizing all the public restrooms?” He asked with a serious expression.

“I’d fake a medical emergency and boogie on home.” May answered quickly, with a face to match his. A short game of chicken commenced as they both tried to keep their poker faces in place.

Finally, Ryan buckled with a small half-smile. May grinned triumphantly. “Alright you win,” he said. “I need to finish my run, but how about I pick you up at seven?”

“Perfect. I’ll bring my rubber gloves!”

As Ryan ran off, she started her jog up again. See? A nice jog always makes things better.

Chapter 17

“Can I finish your fries?” Emily asked, though she was already reaching for them.

May shoved her tray over to Emily, “Go for it.” She didn’t have much of an appetite.

After leaving Esmeralda’s Cave, they had decided to wander around town and do some window shopping. Emily assured May this would help distract her from her morose mood, and it had for a few minutes here and there. But mostly, May was in mourning.

The great sense of loss she was having came from her realization that she had to call off things with Ethan. Less than twenty-four hours, that was all the longer it had lasted. But being with him--though it was the only thing she really wanted at this point in her life-- would be a mistake. All of these feelings she had that beckoned her thoughts unceasingly to him were false. The product of some magic she could never understand.

She had been aware over the last few days of how her emotions were betraying logic; yet without the knowledge of why, she had been willing to listen to only her heart. When the workings of the mirror were finally exposed, it gave her mind the final boost it needed to put her heart in its place. It screamed out now as she determined to spend no more time on Ethan, but she decided her heart deserved to suffer. It had been very naughty, and it was being punished.

“So,” Emily said through bites of French fries, “I think I’m going to go back to school for the last half.”

“Oh.” May’s thoughts stopped their ruminating. “Okay. Sorry. I know I’m being pretty lame today…”

Emily waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, you’re fine. It’s not you. I just don’t want to get too far behind, and we don’t have anything else to do…,” she studied May carefully for a moment. “You should come back to school, too.”

“I don’t care about getting behind. I have the whole weekend to do make-up work.”

“I’m not thinking about your school work, I’m thinking about your mental health. If I leave you now, what are you going to do the rest of the day?”

“Well, I--,” May began.

“—Sulk.” Emily interrupted. “You have nothing to do but lay around being pitiful. Come to school, you can at least have some distractions.”

May really didn’t want to go back to school. She hated the feeling of missing half a day and then coming back to finish it. It made her day feel all foreign and wrong. But Emily was persuasive, and she knew just the sort of things to say to convince May to join her.

They arrived back at the school in the middle of the lunch period. After checking themselves into the office, they went to their lockers to get ready for the upcoming class.

“I thought you were going to be sick today?”

May turned at the sound of Ryan’s voice.

“I was. I’m better now.” She didn’t like the way she probably seemed like such an inconstant personality to him.

“I’m glad.” He smiled. “So, I passed on that message yesterday like you asked, Ethan wanted me to tell you something if I saw you again.”

May couldn’t bear to have Ryan be the go-between in her childish love tantrum any more. He had proved himself time and again to be an unvarying friend to her this week, and to use him like a carrier pigeon was far, far less than he deserved. It was time to stop with the nonsense—she knew Ryan was the one she should be hurting over, not Ethan. She resolved that very moment to act with her brain only, no more listening to her fickle heart.

“Thanks Ryan, but I’ll just go talk to him myself. I’m sorry to put you in the middle; that was not very good of me.” She patted him on the arm and walked away. He watched after her with a look of mild surprise.

As into Ethan as she had been, she realized that she still didn’t know a lot of things about him. For example, where could he be found at lunchtime? She went to the part of the cafeteria they had sat in the day before. She was scanning the crowded tables looking for him, but he must have seen her first.

She found him immediately when she heard him call, “May! Freeze!” He was standing up on his chair, holding his hands out in a gesture like he could literally freeze her in place. The students around him were looking a little alarmed.

His exhibition amused May, and she smiled involuntarily. He saw this, and appeared encouraged. He hopped down and started making his way toward her. Her pulse began to accelerate. Shut up! Stop it! She tried to will her runaway heart to submit.

Ethan was talking a mile a minute, before he was even fully within her earshot. “Please, I am so sorry. I should have known better. I know I was such a jerk, I deserve to be beaten…” He didn’t stop his approach until he was well within her personal space. “Can you find it in your heart to forgive me for thinking so badly of you?” He was saying now, as he brushed her cheek softly with the back of his hand.

May’s spine got all tingly, and she could feel her resolve beginning to melt. No. No. NO! Stop! Snap out of it!

“I really am so, so, sor—,” May didn’t let him finish. She put her hand up to his lips. Oh, those lips… how she wanted to-- NO!

“Let’s just forget about that.” What had happened yesterday was really immaterial at this point. She knew what she must do. “Can we go somewhere private?”

Ethan obviously had other ideas about what could be meant by “private,” and it made things even harder for May. He pulled her in to an empty classroom, and stood far too close to her when he said, “Will this do?”

Don’t cave, May! “Yes.” She forced herself to take a small step back. “I want to talk to you.”

Ethan frowned. “That doesn’t sound good.”

May forced herself to smile reassuringly. “No, it isn’t bad. It is just that, well… I think you are right.”

“I’m not used to hearing those words…” He was confused, though smiling.

“Ethan, we shouldn’t date. It was a bad idea, and I forced it on you by being all girly and dramatic. So, I’m sorry about that.” May knew the words she was saying were actually true, and they did make sense. It was too bad she didn’t believe them. “Let’s just pretend yesterday never happened, and keep as before.”

Ethan’s smile was gone. He looked genuinely let down. May was actually surprised to see this in him. It is just the mirror’s magic, she told herself.

“Now, wait a minute…” Ethan had recovered from what she just said, and she could see he was getting ready to pull out his full arsenal of charms. If he was about to try to change her mind, May knew he would be successful. She needed to leave, immediately.

“Sorry, I really have to go…” she was backing away towards the door. “I’ll just see you on Monday in English, I guess.” Once she reached the door, she took off in a sprint down the hall.

May had said that things should just go back to how they had been before, but she knew what she really intended was that she would avoid him as much as possible, and ignore him when it wasn’t. It was the only way, she thought. Cold turkey. Ethan was the sort of guy who usually got what he wanted, and the current condition of May’s heart was to give him all or nothing. So it would have to be nothing.

Going from full-boar obsessed to cutting him out of her thoughts completely would create a vacuum, and May realized she might implode without something to fill the hole. A good, solid distraction was necessary.

She slowed her pace as the hallway became busier. Then, as if a sign from heaven, the crowd seemed to part in front of her, creating a path which ended at Ryan’s locker, where he stood with his back to her, looking down at his planner.

Fake it ‘til you make it, right?

If she hadn’t scrambled her own thoughts, this is what the real-May would want to be doing. Even with that knowledge, she still felt like she was acting forced. The angel on her shoulder was trying to convince her that it wasn’t nice to treat Ryan like a rebound. The devil was more cunning, pointing out that the angel would be absolutely right, if that was the case. But she wasn’t rebounding; she was doing what she should have done in the first place. And this time, she would play by the rules and keep things in this dimension. And she would be slow about it.