Chapter 20

May knew she had been asleep, because she had been having a strange dream about being chased by a tornado. Then it shifted, and she was at her home on a regular afternoon. But for the fact that she arrived at her house by riding in a storm chaser’s van, it would have been very easy to confuse this part of the dream with reality.

The dream unfolded around her like a play that she had been conscripted into. She walked into her house, and called out to see who was home. Passing a mirror in the hallway, she saw that she was wearing her jogging clothes.

Into the living room she went, because somehow she knew she was supposed to.

“What’s going on?” She heard herself ask, and simultaneously noticed that Jared was sitting at Emily’s feet, receiving a neck and shoulder massage.

“I’m showing Jared some things my cousin taught me. She’s in school to become a massage therapist.” Emily answered.

“Where have you been?” Jared asked, seeming relieved to see May.

“I went for a jog. How long have you been here?” She was asking Emily.

“Just about long enough, I’d say!” And with that, Emily hopped up and left the room. On her way, she yelled out, “Please don’t be mad at me, May!”

The very instant Emily exited, everything went dark in May’s mind, and she suddenly jerked awake.

The clock on her nightstand read 3:26 AM. May rolled over to try and fall back asleep, rubbing her eyes and straining to remember what she had just been dreaming about. Something in the back of her mind had been bugged by her dream, but she couldn’t place it.

Then, like a floodlight came on in her mind, she remembered everything. Why had she dreamt about Jared and Emily? The two of them together was not something she wanted to think about; how strange that her mind would rebel against itself.

Emily’s strange last words of apology were also confusing. Why would May imagine that?

And then it hit her like a ton of bricks. She hadn’t imagined that. It was what Emily had actually said-- in the mirror, this afternoon when May wasn’t home to stop her.

“That sneak!” May spoke out loud to the darkness. Emily had to know that she would find out, but she had done it anyway. Was there no way to impress upon her how bad it was to go into the mirror? She wanted to call Emily that very minute and rail on her. But it was three in the morning, and she couldn’t do anything now except fume at the ceiling.

It took May a half an hour to get back to sleep after that, and when she did her dreams were about yelling at Emily until she grew hoarse.

At eight o’clock, she was awoken by her mother’s annoying nudges.

“Come on, sleepy-head. I need you to help me out with some errands today.”

May groaned and rolled over. The night’s sleep had been less than restful, and her bed was too comfortable to ignore.

“Up, up, up!” her Mom exclaimed. When May finally sat up, her mom started in detailing her day. “I’m putting on an anniversary luncheon for the Browning’s 50^th, and my side-kick had an emergency, so now I’m trying to do too many things at once and it just isn’t working.”

May’s eyes started to drop, so her mom grabbed her face to hold it up, and kept talking. “I need to be here to finish the catering. This list,” she put a piece of paper in May’s hand, “is what I need you to do for me. Get moving, the luncheon is at 11:30.”

May only sat there, looking confusedly at her mom. There was still a thick layer of fuzz around her mind.

“Now!” her mom’s command sent a shock through her spine that made her body jump out of the bed before her mind could protest. “You can take your father’s car.” With that, May found herself standing alone in her room with the list in her hand.

“Sure Mom, I’ll help. No trouble at all. Thanks for asking.” May muttered to herself sarcastically as she looked over the list. There were three things on it. They all appeared to be items that needed picking up.

May was still tired, and thought that if she did the errands as fast as she could, she could be done within an hour and come back to bed to sleep. So without bothering to get herself cleaned up, she pulled on a pair of track pants and an old sweatshirt and got in her Dad’s car.

Her first stop was to pick up some fake ivy plants from her mom’s friend’s house. That was easy enough; they were waiting for her in a box on the porch. Next was a party supply rental place, it took about fifteen minutes for her to wait in line and then pick up the table cloths and center pieces that her mom had reserved. The final stop was to pick up a flower arrangement and some corsages and boutonnières from a florist May had never heard of. She punched the address into the GPS, and imagined how she could be back in bed in twenty minutes.

As she followed the directions given to her by the smooth Englishman who lived inside the GPS, the route seemed familiar. As she neared her destination, it was with a mix of horror and pleasure that she realized she was being directed to the same nursery Ryan had stopped off at the night before. The one he worked at on the weekends.

“Oh, crap!” May said, as she looked at herself in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were puffy and had dark circles under them. She still had creases on her face from her pillow, and she hadn’t even combed through her hair before pulling it into an elastic band.

As she circled around to choose the best parking spot (the one that would best minimize the chance of anyone seeing her), May was relieved to realize that this was actually a complex that housed the nursery on the left, and a florist to the right. The rows of trees, shrubs, planters and fountains obscured her view into the cashier’s station of the nursery, and she prayed that they would offer her the same cover.

The florist shop was a small building with a cash register straight ahead of the entrance. To the left were a few rows of greeting card stands, mugs, keychains, and the other various trite gifty-things people often included with flowers. There were stacks of binders on the counter by the register containing catalogs of flowers that could be ordered. Big windows along the front of the store looked over onto the grounds of the nursery. No one else appeared to be in the shop.

May approached the counter, and saw a little bell with a sign that read, “ring for service.” She chewed her lip for a moment, hoping that it wouldn’t call someone over from the nursery. She quickly rang the bell, and watched out the window behind her to see if anyone was coming.

“Be right with you!” She heard someone call from a door behind the counter. Her heart froze at the sound of the voice. She knew it immediately. She had been so worried about running into Ryan while she looked like a hobo, that it had never occurred to her that she might run into—

“May!” Ethan exclaimed in surprise.

She was still standing with her back to the register. “Nepotism.” She cursed under her breath.

“What?” he asked, not understanding what she had said.

Running into Ethan like this was ten times worse than if it had been Ryan. She didn’t want to see him because she didn’t want to talk to him because she was totally in love with him and knew it was all wrong so she was trying to get over him, but in the meantime still wanted him so badly and here she stood looking like someone from peopleofwalmart.com. Yikes.

There was nothing to do but get the flowers and go, so she decided she would just pretend everything was normal and cool. May turned around to face Ethan.

“Ethan!” She gave him a friendly smile. “I’m here to pick up an order. The last name is Browning.”

“Wow, I’m so surprised to see you!” Ethan ignored her attempt to get down to business. He was giving her one of his patented Ethan smiles. His smile could usually brighten a room, but it didn’t seem as brilliant today. May hoped it wasn’t her fault.

“Yeah, me too.” Get me out of here, get me out of here, get me out of here… She was trying not to look at him too closely. She was afraid of reading his reaction to her appearance.

“Hey, come here.” He was leaning over the counter and beckoning for her to come closer. She felt her weakness growing. Refusing him wasn’t an option.

Covering her mouth with nonchalance, since she probably had morning breath still, she leaned against the counter and raised her eyebrows as if to say, “yes?”

Then Ethan whispered, glancing over his shoulder to the backroom. “Don’t tell anyone I work here, it’s my dirty little secret.” Apparently there was someone else in the backroom that wouldn’t like to hear his shame at his employment.

“Why is it a secret?” May asked.

“Come on, May;” Ethan rolled his eyes and whispered, “I’m a dude! Making floral arrangements isn’t very manly.”

“Wait, you aren’t just a cashier?” May had to smirk at the thought of Ethan in an apron handling baby’s breath and roses.

“Aw, see what I mean? It’s embarrassing!” Ethan shook his head.

May felt the urge to encourage him. “No, it’s not. It just makes you more interesting. But don’t worry, I won’t blab.”

Ethan smiled a little wider at that, “It makes me more interesting, does it?”

“I’m actually kind of in a hurry, can I get that order?” May refused to let him draw her in anymore. She could flatter him all the day long quite happily, but she knew she would only regret it afterward.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Browning, was it?” He immediately turned all business like and went to the backroom. If May didn’t know better, she would say his feelings were hurt. But no one could ever hurt Ethan’s feelings.

May stared up at the ceiling while she waited for the flowers. She heard the front door open behind her. A voice behind her called, “Hey, Ethan? I need a hand.” It was another voice May recognized. What had she done to deserve this?

“May?” Ryan said, as he came around one side of her. “This is a surprise! What are you doing here?” He was looking at her too intently, it made her lose the air of normalcy she had been able to keep up with Ethan.

“Ah! Don’t look at me!” she cried, trying to cover her whole head with her arms.

Ryan laughed at her. “Why not?”

“I’m a mess! I didn’t think I’d see people I knew this morning!”

Ryan grabbed one of her arms and started prying it down from over her eyes. “May? May. Have you seen what I look like today?”

She hadn’t, so she lowered one arm. He was smeared with dirt: arms, legs, torso, face; and his hair was completely disheveled with bits of leaf and cobweb strewn throughout. He stood there with his arms out, modeling his mess with an expression that said, “I win.”

May still thought that she was the winner of the ugly contest, since his had come from obvious hard work, and hers was just her natural state. But she certainly wasn’t going to try and convince him of that. “Well, I’m still embarrassed to have you see me like this.”

She became aware that sometime during her ostrich impression, Ethan had emerged from the backroom with the two large boxes that comprised her order.

“Here it is. It’s all paid up. You don’t have to worry about Ryan seeing you short of perfection anymore.” Ethan said with an edge to his usually cheery voice. Was that jealousy? “I’ll help you to your car.”

“Uh, thanks.” Ethan’s reaction left her disoriented. She grabbed one of the boxes of flowers, and headed for the door. Ryan scooted ahead of her and held the door open for the two of them as they left. “See you,” she said to Ryan.

He nodded back silently, but was scowling after Ethan.

“I get off at four, do you want to do something with me this evening?” Ethan asked in his usual upbeat tone when they got to her car. He seemed to have pushed aside whatever had set him off before.

“Uh, I don’t think…” May began, not sure how to answer.

Ethan put up his hands to stop her protest. “I know I know I know. You said you didn’t want to date. So it’s not a date! It’ll just be hanging out.”

What Ethan had no way of understand was how little a difference it made to her what they labeled their time together as.

May winced as she tried to think of an answer.

“Not a date.” He repeated, thinking he saw a chink in her armor.

A tiny little voice in her was saying it wouldn’t hurt to spend time with him as friends. If she didn’t feed the obsession by going into the mirror it would fade, right? There would be no heartbreak if they were just friends. That’s all Ethan was asking.

The little voice could sense it was gaining a foothold, so it grew bolder. In fact, it would be better to spend time with him as friends than to just ignore him. Then her heart wouldn’t run amuck with starvation. She could feed the hunger to be near him, and it would gradually fade. Then she would just be left with a friend. Who was there who couldn’t use another friend?

May surrendered. “Okay. What time do you want to get together?”

“Ha-ha! Yes!” Ethan celebrated. “Five thirty? We can make dinner together!”

Cooking something up with Ethan sounded heavenly to May. As she drove away, she kept reassuring herself that it was just something to do as friends. Friends. FRIENDS. But there was still part of her that felt like a junkie who had just fallen off the wagon.