On Hiatus

I'm in the middle of a changing of stations for the military, so new chapters are on hold until I can get set up in my new home and get more to writing! More is to come, but not for a few days!

Chapter 16

Friday morning, May convinced her mom to excuse her from school before she left to volunteer at the library. The night before, May had planted the seeds of an approaching illness, complaining at dinner about aches and chills and exhaustion. The way Jared stared at her as he chewed his food told her that he didn’t buy the charade, but he never said anything about it.

May lounged in the living room, still wearing her pajamas. Jared was at the breakfast table, inhaling his cereal. There was a knock at the door, and he got up to answer it. Thinking it was still too early for Emily to come by, May made no move to get up. But when she heard Emily’s voice, she jumped to her feet.

“Hi, Jared.” She was saying sweetly. “I hope you slept well last night.”

Jared was discomfited by her “innocent” well wishes. Of course, he didn’t know it, but the two girls watching him knew exactly what he was remembering of his dreams. May was still horrified by the thought of her brother kissing anybody, and refused to look at his face to see if his memory was pleasant or not. Emily, however, was staring him down like she was on a secret fact-finding mission.

“Um, thanks…” He finally responded. He looked away from Emily to glance at May. The expression on her face must have been far too revealing, because he suddenly shook his head like he was trying to dislodge something from his inner ear, and left out the front door.

“Did he say anything about me this morning?” Emily asked eagerly, once he was gone.

“Sorry, he hasn’t said anything at all.” She wasn’t really sorry, though. “As you can see,” May looked down at her pajamas, “I’m not quite ready to go.”

“That’s fine, I’m in no hurry.” Emily plopped down on the couch and started channel surfing.

May laughed at her friend, “You came here early just so you could check up on Jared, didn’t you?” Emily only raised her eyebrows mischievously in response. “Right. Well, I’ll go get ready.”

The hope that Esmeralda’s Cave would hold answers for her made her move quickly as she got ready. Things like tarot cards and palm readings never seemed like anything but scams to May, but now she wondered if there could really be substance to the practices.

Ever since Emily had been able to join her, May no longer questioned her sanity about the magical mirror. This new assurance actually made her feel scared; there were real powers that she never knew existed, and she had been dabbling with them. Could they have been affecting her without her knowledge? If so, what were the effects: mental, emotional, physical? Could the mirror scramble her DNA and give her cancer? Questions from every point on the continuum of worry bombarded her mind. And so it was only ten minutes later that May bounded down the stairs and announced she was ready to go.

“That was quick!” Emily switched off the morning talk show she had been watching. “Do you have the address?”

“Right here,” May held up the newspaper clipping. “I don’t know if it’s too early, but let’s just go and see.”

Esmeralda’s Cave was located in an older area of town, in a half-vacant strip mall. May was very glad she hadn’t come alone; the place did not feel very safe. The ad said it was in the basement, but the building didn’t appear to have one. They got out of the car and walked along the storefronts, trying to find a sign for the shop. Finally, May noticed a narrow brick alleyway between a Xerox shop and a dry cleaner. They walked over to it, and peeked down to see that there was a tight stairway leading down to a poorly lit doorway. “Cave” was an apt description.

They slowly descended the stairs, and the air quickly grew much cooler and damp. May was beginning to wonder if this wasn’t actually some kind of a service entrance, when Emily pointed to a small, laminated paper sign, “Look! This is it… ‘Esmeralda’s Cave.’” The two looked at each other for a long moment, not sure if they should knock or just go in. “Just knock,” Emily finally said.

May raised her fist to strike the door, but it gave way before her hand ever made contact with the metal surface.

“My dear girls! You finally made it!” A friendly southern accent greeted them. Before they knew it, they were being pulled into a group-hug embrace by a slight, pixie-like woman who was probably in her mid-fifties. She wore designer boot-cut jeans and a cowl-neck sweater. Her hair was short and styled in carefully disarrayed spikes.

When she broke the embrace, both girls stood stunned. “Um…a-are you Esmeralda?” May finally asked.

“Actually, my name is Caroline. I just picked the name Esmeralda for my shop because it sounded more appropriate, don’t you think?” Caroline winked.

“Um…” May was totally caught off-guard by this woman who seemed so out of place in this setting, yet seemed to have expected her arrival.

“Oh, honey, calm down. Don’t worry; I already know why you’re here. And I think I can help.” A timer went off from another room. “Oh! That’ll be my muffins. Would you girls please make yourselves at home, and I’ll be right back.” She floated out of the room and disappeared.

May hadn’t had a chance to take in her surroundings yet, but now she found herself in a space that reminded her of the waiting room in a hospital maternity ward. It was strangely light and cheerful, given the location. And it didn’t have any of the kind of mystical accessories and decorations she had been expecting, like colored scarves over the lamps or beads in the windows. There were no skulls, bones, or jars containing specimens of any kind. It was very sterile and neutral. She and Emily sat themselves down in two of the upholstered chairs, and waited in silence.

Less than a minute later, Caroline was back, carrying a tray containing a pitcher, glasses, and blueberry muffins. She sat the tray down on the coffee table in the middle of the room, then pulled a chair up and sat opposite the two surprised girls. “Do y’all like sweet tea?” She gestured to the pitcher on the table, “Please, help yourselves.”

Neither of them made a move for the food. “Maybe later, thank you.” May tried to be polite, but she was still so stunned by this woman.

“That’s just fine, I hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable!” Caroline slapped her knees. “Let’s get straight to it then, shall we?” She looked at May expectantly.

“Um, how did you know I was coming?” May asked, unsure where to begin with her own tale.

“I saw you, of course! That is my profession afterall—seeing.”

“Did you ‘see’ why I wanted to talk to you?” May hoped she had, it would save her the embarrassment of explaining things for herself.

“Well, I could tell that you had gotten yourself involved with a very powerful magical object. I feel its presence and influence in your mind as you sit here, even.” Caroline grew more serious.

May felt a chill run up her spine. “It is a mirror. I didn’t know that it had any kind of… powers, I found out by accident.”

“I do have some considerable experience with enchanted objects. Please, tell me what has happened. Leave nothing out.” Caroline pulled out a small note pad from somewhere, and sat poised to take notes.

May took a deep breath, embarrassed to admit to all her romantic escapades. This woman seemed very open and friendly, and she wanted to help. May just closed her eyes and decided to treat this like she was visiting her family doctor to be seen for an embarrassing ailment.

Then she went into it, from her initial discovery of the mirror’s powers, to the way she felt a new confidence to speak her mind with Ethan afterwards. Then the way Jared had angered her and she sought revenge, and how afterward she had felt a pull to be with Ethan that kept growing stronger, until she went into the mirror to get information out of him and left it completely obsessed with him. Emily jumped in to tell the story of finding out who had lost her iPod, but she conveniently omitted her errand to go see Jared. Then May talked about how yesterday her moods had been chaotic—how she felt like a car driving at high speed, trying to maintain control as it passed through the tailwind of a semi-truck.

All the while, Caroline listened intently, pen whirring away; nodding, smiling, and frowning at appropriate points.

When the whole history had been related, she sat back and said, “Now, where should I begin? First of all, nobody can use a magical object such as your mirror without causing a reaction of some kind, and the kind of reaction that will occur depends on the properties of the host object. In this case, the enchantment will have a reflective, or duplicating power. The magic responded to your desire—you wished for what you wanted to re-do, and it took your mind to another world within the mirror.

“But the world of the mirror is a strange reality where your actions can affect what motivated them in the first place.” May furrowed her brow in confusion. Caroline tried to elaborate, “It is a place of reflection, where left is right and right is left. When you are ‘in’ the mirror, the real world becomes the reflection. In the world outside the mirror, a person may have a feeling or prompting, and then act on it. But within the mirror, your actions are what cause your desires. There are extra consequences that come with what you do in the mirror because they will be reflected in the real world.” Caroline paused to see if the girls were following her.

“I’m sorry… I don’t think I get it…” May felt slow.

“Oh, darling, don’t apologize. Let me make it more simple for you. Whatever feelings you act on while you are in the mirror are going to be multiplied in you when you get back to reality.” She paused, happy with her ability to simplify things. May seemed to understand better, now. “You like a boy wanted to kiss him, so you kissed him. Now that feeling is being reflected and amplified.”

May cut in, “But when I went to kiss Ethan, I was actually just doing it to make my brother angry…” Then she realized that after the fact, she had been even more eager to make him upset. That had never been a part of their relationship before.

Caroline nodded, “That may be true, but there was also a desire, however latent, to truly be with this boy.” May knew that was true. “Think back, surely you can now see how when you went to the mirror the first time, you wanted to speak your mind, and you acted. Now the reaction to that action is that your drive to say what you really mean is stronger.” May remained silent now, taking everything in.

“Now, you mentioned others having dreams. The effects of the mirror are not limited to your mind, for you cannot interact with another person in the mirror world without it reflecting into the world outside. For you, you carry with you a memory. For those with whom you have interactions, it is carried on with them as well. But they were not there in the mirror as literally as you, it was only a shadow of the actual person. And so you carry with you a real memory, but they carry only a shadow of it… a dream. And they only become aware of it when they sleep.”

Emily piped up, “So, if May feels stronger about Ethan because she kissed him in the mirror, does it work the same way for him?” May knew Emily was asking this for her own benefit.

“Well, not exactly. I would compare it to the difference between the memory of the events in the mirror, and the dream of it. You see, it was not his full self she interacted with. It was the part of him her brain wanted to access.” She turned to May, “The people you interact with in the mirror are not just some parallel versions of the ones in this world. It is really them. The mirror actually summons parts of their consciousness to come and fill in and respond to the scenarios you are thinking of. It isn’t the whole person though.

“It is hard to explain… that second time, for example, Ethan was only there in that reality as long as your mind summoned him. Only the part of him required to walk with you and carry on a superficial conversation was there.” Caroline paused, “As a side-note, people you interact with in the mirror won’t behave exactly as they do in real life, because many of their inhibitions are stripped away.” She waved her hands as if to set that point aside, “But anyway, his soul was only called there for the access you required, and so he was not fully exposed to the consequences that actions in the mirror can have.”

“But, he would still have some effect?” May prompted.

“Yes, he would, that’s true. To a smaller degree.”

May absorbed everything she had just learned. So the way she had been feeling the last few days wasn’t natural. She suddenly felt like her emotions were her undercover agents that were her secret enemies, working against her this whole time. The way she felt for Ethan—so drawn into him, and captivated. That wasn’t really her that felt this way. She wanted to be sick. It made her sad to think that her affection for him was all contrived. “What do I do now? Have I done some kind of great evil by using the mirror?”

“No, child, not evil… but you can see the mischief that it can cause. Here you sit, feeling absolutely compelled to pursue a relationship with a boy who is not able to respond to you in kind. Meanwhile, another waits in the wings who probably would be just what you are looking for.”

May sat, thinking this over. It was true; she was torturing herself over a boy who might not be worth it. But she couldn’t make herself not want to do it. She didn’t want to not want him. She knew she should want Ryan.

Her soul felt like an ancient tree that had been mangled by lighting and petrified that way.

“Will the magic fade?” May wondered out loud.

“The magic has already done its work, as long as you stay out of the mirror it won’t affect you any more. You are now left with the aftermath. But to answer your question, your feelings will fade and change just like any others. It will take time, though.”

May was floored by the amount of information Caroline was able to share. She didn’t fully absorb all of it, but understood enough to see things more clearly. She could see that the mirror had been tampering with her emotions, and that the things that happened in it may have been true, but they were not completely “real.” People in reality did have inhibitions that affected their behavior.

So May was stuck with herself. However unnatural her feelings were in origin, they were hers now. She knew the mirror didn’t affect Ethan to the same degree as her, but she wondered how much it did. She was fairly certain now that the mirror had to be responsible for the accelerated pace things had taken between them. And now she understood better why Ethan had been so easy and free with her in the mirror— he was unshackled from his mother’s indoctrinations.

The new understanding of her plight was illuminating… but all it highlighted was the truly elaborate mess she was in. Because she still wanted to worship the ground Ethan walked on, but now she knew that whatever feelings they had for each other may have been entirely based on supernatural motivations. When feelings fade and change as they always do, would there be nothing left? If so, she would be wise to cut things off now. Ethan would have been right. But as for now, she was still uncontrollably drawn to him.

“Thank you,” May finally said. “You have been a huge help.” May felt awkward, she wasn’t sure what the protocol was for recompense in this line of work. “Um, how much do I owe you for your time?”

Caroline shook her head, “No, no. I’m not charging you. Please, just let me know how things turn out for you. I’m so interested! Oh, and tell your friends about me!” May doubted she’d actually tell anybody about this little business, but she nodded and said she would be happy to recommend Caroline’s services to any of her friends who might require them. That was sufficiently vague, she felt.

Emily and May got back in the car, it had only been 45 minutes since they arrived.

“What do you want to do now?” Emily asked.

May had no answer, for neither the long term nor the short.

Chapter 15

May only became aware that she had been sleeping when Jared’s kicking of the bottom of her shoe suddenly jarred her awake.

“Hey! I said ‘wake up!’”

May groaned and rolled over, finally letting her backpack drop from off her shoulders and shoving it onto the floor. She did not want to be conscious. Jared came closer to her, this time shaking her shoulders. If there was a more obnoxious way to be awoken than by the hand of a brother, she had never heard of it.

“Look, I’d happily tell him to get lost, but he won’t leave.”

May sat up at his words. “What are you talking about?”

“The door. I told you, Ethan is here to see you.” Jared looked like it was against his better judgment that he was telling her this.

Talking to Ethan was not something she wanted to do right now. She felt like she was a big walking open wound, and she mostly wanted to just lay really still and stop existing.

After a few moments without a response, Jared finally said with impatience, “Look, he already knows you’re here.” Then he softened and became more protective. “Do you want me to make him leave?”

May considered for a moment. If she let Jared scare him off, she probably wouldn’t feel any better. She assumed he was here to beg her forgiveness, since it was now probably common knowledge that Alicia had indeed been the thief. Still, this was a chance for May to stand her ground. Over the course of the day, she had been willing to follow his lead and let him determine all of their interactions. It had wound up being a complete roller coaster of a day. Everyone, Ethan included, had at one time told May that she was too easy on him—too accommodating. Though a big part of her craved to forgive him and be near him now, the smaller part of her was more persuasive. It made her ache inside, but it would be for the best.

“Yes,” May finally answered Jared. “Get rid of him, please.”

Jared looked as if May had just given him the greatest present he’d ever received. He went to the door without saying anything else.

Even straining as hard as she could, May couldn’t hear the exchange at the front door. When she heard the door close, she stood up stiffly and stretched. Her whole being felt cloudy-- both from the nap, and from the whirlwind of unresolved emotions swirling around inside of her. She hated feeling this way; something was needed to pull her out of this funk. But it wouldn’t be an escape into the mirror. Not now, or maybe ever again; she was beginning to abhor the thing for the havoc it had wreaked on her once normal, boring life.

No, she would go for a jog instead, she decided. May would hardly classify herself as an athlete, but she did enjoy the occasional burst of physical activity. Last year she had been in the habit of going for daily jogs, and they always left her feeling refreshed. Over the summer, she had fallen out of the habit. Today seemed like the perfect day to pick it up again.

After changing into her jogging clothes, she took off out the front door and headed along her old route. It would take her through her neighborhood and down to the park where she had eaten breakfast this morning. The full loop was only about two miles. She started out slow, she didn’t want to cramp up immediately from being out of shape. The action felt good, like with every stride the darkness over her mind lightened a shade. By the time she reached the edge of the neighborhood, she couldn’t remember exactly what had her bogged so deeply down to begin with. Of course, she hadn’t forgotten the day’s events, but they didn’t seem nearly as serious anymore.

The best part of her jog was coming up; it was always her favorite thing to run along the jogging path through the trees, up a small rise, and then suddenly the trees would part, and the wide silent river stretched out along before her. The path she was on teed into another jogging path that ran along a levy of sorts, parallel to the riverbank.

She began her way up the rise, holding her breath until she burst through the trees and overlooked the river. It was a little game she had played every time she reached this point. Two more strides would bring her to the top where she would turn and run along the levy path.

“Oof!” May ran right into another jogger at the top of the path, knocking them both over. “Ryan!” she exclaimed when she saw who she had crashed into. “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

Ryan wasn’t annoyed, though. “Wow, where did you come from?” He was already up on his feet again offering his hand.

May grabbed it, and he pulled her to her feet. She didn’t answer his question, she was so surprised to have run into him, yet again. “No, where did you come from? Where do you keep coming from? Holy crap, Ryan—you have got to be following me or something.”

He smiled at her, “I was going to accuse you of the same thing.” They walked together now in the same direction Ryan had been running. “I didn’t know you were a runner.”

“Well, I’m not really. I just really felt like I needed to get out and clear my head today.”

“Ah.” Ryan seemed to know exactly what she meant.

“What about you?”

“Oh, I’m training for cross country.” May suddenly remembered that about Ryan, that he enjoyed long distance running.

“Don’t let me slow you down, please.” She felt bad about butting into his training time.

Ryan smiled at her, and shook his head. “No, don’t worry about that. Actually, I’m kind of glad I ran into you… or, that you ran into me, I guess…” he winked. “I wanted to talk to you.”

A dozen different thoughts entered May’s mind about what Ryan could want to talk to her about. Nervousness rushed through her; she had the irrational feeling that she was in trouble for something.

Ryan read her expression, and tried to soothe her worry. “It’s nothing to be worried about, I promise. Let’s walk and talk?” May nodded, and waited for him to speak again. “I just noticed you and Ethan have been spending a lot of time together all of the sudden…” He trailed off, she could tell he felt awkward bringing up the subject.

“Yes, that’s true.” May volunteered. “But I’m sure he’s told you all about that.”

“Well, that’s just it—when I asked him about it, he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about. But I know I’m not crazy.” Ryan was shaking his head slowly.

Immediately, May knew that Ethan must’ve been trying to hide things from Ryan. Either so he wouldn’t be mad, or wouldn’t be hurt. Or maybe both. Since she wasn’t supposed to know that Ryan had feelings for her anyway, May decided to be honest.

“Maybe he was just trying to be discreet until he and I had figured things out,” May offered, “but as of lunchtime today we decided that we would like to date each other.” She didn’t add that, as of about an hour after lunchtime, things seemed to have hit a brick wall. Mostly because she hoped that once she agreed to speak to him, they would be back on good terms.

The revelation seemed to stun Ryan. “You two are dating? Ethan doesn’t date,” he said matter-of-factly. Apparently it really was Ethan’s policy to keep himself free and loose. The insecure part of May had thought he didn’t want to be her boyfriend because he knew he could do better.

“I guess he’s making an exception?” May shrugged. “He was reluctant about it, actually.” She admitted.

“I’m not surprised about that.” Ryan said. May stopped walking and inhaled sharply at his response. He whirled around, putting his hands out to placate her. “That came out wrong.” His face was apologetic. “No, what I meant was that, given his family history, I’m not surprised that he had a struggle with it. Dating you would be nothing to cause reluctance.”

“Family history? What are you talking about?”

Ryan struggled for a minute. “Well, it’s kind of private. I don’t think I should say.”

Curse Ryan’s faithful nature! Now May really wanted to know what he had been talking about. She felt like it would provide a missing piece to the puzzle that might make things with Ethan a little less perplexing.

“Please tell me, Ryan.” She looked at him with beseeching. “I have been so confused by the way Ethan’s treated me, it would really help me out to understand him better.”

Ryan sighed, “I’m sure I can trust you to keep this in confidence?” May nodded affirmation. “Ethan’s mom was only seventeen when she had him.” May gasped, but didn’t say anything. “She married his dad while she was still pregnant, but he left them before Ethan even turned one. It left her with a pretty low opinion of men in general. So Ethan and his mom lived with my parents until I was like five. Ethan’s mom has always pounded it into him that should never have a girlfriend. She’s also taught him to expect that pretty much any decision he makes as a teenager is going to turn out to be a bad one. He believes her, too.” Ryan sounded a little disgusted. “Imagine being a young man being raised by someone who believes all men are bad news.”

“It sounds like you think his mom has caused him to be, um, kind of messed up.”

“I mean no disrespect for his mom,” Ryan held up his hands, “I know she has her own reasons for teaching him the way she does;” then his voice turned more intense, “but I think it really does her son a disservice to let him think he is incapable of behaving as a proper man. I know him better than anyone, and he really wants to be a prudent sort of person, but he completely doubts his own judgment. So he tries to make as few decisions as possible. That’s the reason he is… how he is. He’s so flighty because he thinks it is better than being serious about something, and then having it all be a big mistake.”

“Wow.” May was stunned by this information. “I had no idea about that.” She had been right to want to know, it did make Ethan’s behavior make more sense. It also made her feel a very tender kind of pity for him.

“Yeah. So, now you understand why I was surprised that he would agree to be your boyfriend.”

“Oh, but he’s not my boyfriend.” I wish, she thought. “We struck a compromise. I wanted to be exclusive; he wanted to just like, admire each other from afar. The agreement is that we will date each other, but we will both date other people, too.”

She could see that Ryan was very pleased with the arrangement. “But isn’t that going to be hard? For you, I mean. You said you wanted to be exclusive. That is going to really… suck for you to have to see him with other girls.” Why was it that Ryan could so easily see things from her perspective?

“Yes, you’re probably right. I guess I’m just an idiot, though.”

“No, you’re not an idiot. Ethan is very… desirable,” May shot him a surprised look. “… Or, so I’m told.” He shrugged indifferently.

“Well, thank you for telling me. Really.” There wasn’t much else to say, and they were coming up to the point where May had planned to turn and head back to her house. “Um, here’s my turn…” then she quickly realized there was something Ryan could do to help her out. “Hey, could you do a favor for me?”

“Absolutely-- what is it?”

“Well, Ethan was going to pick me up in the morning, but I’m not going to school tomorrow. Could you tell him not to come by?” May thought it would be too soon to forgive Ethan, but she knew if she spoke to him she would end up doing it anyway.

Ryan was obviously perplexed by the favor. “Sure, but can you answer two questions for me?”

He was going to ask for her to elaborate, and she knew it. Oh, well. She still felt like she owed him for telling her more about Ethan. “I guess…”

“First, why aren’t you going to school… and second, if you two are dating, then why wouldn’t you want to tell him yourself?”

“Because I’m going to be sick tomorrow, and I’m not actually speaking to him at this moment in time.”

“Ah.” He didn’t say anything more. Again with the easy understanding!

May thanked him and said goodbye, then picked up her pace to a jog again as she headed back home.

Chapter 14

Emily and May were back in May’s room, and for a moment they just stood looking at each other. Emily appeared disoriented, but finally spoke, “How long have you been waiting for me?”

“Waiting for you?” May was confused. “I just this instant got back here as well.”

“Oh, weird!” Emily seemed glad, though. “I couldn’t fall asleep for a while, but you were already out. I kept picturing you here, waiting for me, and it made it even harder for me to fall asleep!”

“Yeah, no time passes when we’re gone. It’s like Narnia.” May had a newfound appreciation for things of fantasy, and was making the comparison in full seriousness.

“So let’s go back to school and get my iPod back!” Emily was already headed out the door.

May knew Emily was right to want to get back as soon as possible, but she felt wary. The next step would be to turn Alicia in, but how could they explain how they knew she was the thief? And as much as she may deserve it, May still was uncomfortable with turning her in—she would get in a lot of trouble. May detested these sorts of confrontations. She wished there was a way to just get the iPod back and leave it there. Justice wouldn’t be served, but it would be so much less stressful.

When they were back at school, they paused before leaving Emily’s car in order to formulate a story for how they knew Alicia had done it. May was stumped, but felt pressure to take the lead because it was her mirror that had solved the crime.

Fortunately, Emily’s mind was working away, and she suddenly perked up with an idea. “Alright, this is simple enough; I’ll make a report, and tell the guard that I noticed Alicia watching me closely in the locker room, and that she was the last one out—“ May was about to point out that those facts were not enough to convince them to search her, but Emily held up a hand to cut her off before she could begin. “—and then you can say you saw her at lunch with an iPod in her hand. If we say that we know she doesn’t have one of her own, they’ll be bound to check her out!”

“But I didn’t see her with it, and I hardly know her! How would I know whether or not she had one?” May was uncomfortable with being involved on this level.

“So, we’ll fib! The ends justify the means, May! And anyway, the security guard doesn’t know who you do and don’t know. It’ll be enough to get them to search her locker, I’m sure of it.” Once again, Emily charged off, before May was really ready to accept what was happening.

In the security guard’s office, the two girls sat and relayed the story they had agreed upon. May hoped she didn’t look like she was lying. Her nervousness and uneasiness was a little baffling; she knew she wasn’t falsely accusing the girl. Yet for some reason, she felt so badly about what she was now doing.

Emily was right; the story they concocted was enough and then some to convince the security guard to search Alicia’s locker. He wanted the girls to accompany him, so that they could identify the iPod. May was finally starting to calm down about the whole scenario, when the guard stopped outside of the Biology classroom.

Oh, no. Alicia is in there. The guard is going to pull her out. Ethan is in there. He knows I didn’t see her with an iPod. Oh, no!

The guard entered the classroom, and spoke to the teacher, who was at her desk as the students worked on a lab. May flattened herself against the lockers outside the door, so she couldn’t be seen. Her heart was racing. Emily was waiting patiently outside the door, smiling contentedly. Just as May realized that Ethan would know she was here if he saw Emily, she heard his voice.

“Emily!” His voice got louder as he got closer to the door. “Any luck finding the thief?”

May was trying to send psychic vibes to her best friend now… Don’t look at me. Don’t tell him our “story”… Get him to go away! Emily did not receive the transmission.

“Yeah! After we left you at lunch,” Emily gestured to where May was hiding herself, “May and I put our heads together and realized we knew who had done it.”

Ethan leaned around the edge of the lockers and jumped a little when he saw May pressed up against them. She immediately tried to look relaxed and nonchalant.

“Hey.” She answered his expression weakly.

“May!” He beamed when he saw her. “So who did it?”

Before she could answer, the security guard exited the classroom with Alicia, his hand behind her back guiding her out. He let her lead the way to her locker, and gestured for the other girls to follow. How unprofessional! May did not think he should be keeping the thief and the thieved in such proximity, especially when there was a third party present who could totally refute a large piece of evidence against the accused.

“No, way!” Ethan whispered, “Alicia?”

“Yes,” Emily whispered back before she followed the guard. “May noticed her with it at lunch.”

Thanks a million, Emily! Why did she have to be so excited about that one piece of fake evidence?”

May turned to follow after Emily, but Ethan grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back to him. “What is she talking about? I was there too, Alicia didn’t have an iPod.”

Closing her eyes to avoid looking at him, she answered in a hushed tone, “You must not have noticed, but I did.” Ethan didn’t respond, and after a few moments she opened her eyes to look at his face.

It felt like a razor was slashing through her chest when she saw that he did not believe her. His face held accusation, and disappointment. “May—I never would have thought you would do something like this. I really thought I knew you better. Jealousy is human, but this is vicious.”

A jolt ran through her when she realized he thought she had accused Alicia of stealing because she was jealous of the attention he gave her at lunch. How could he think she would be so malicious? May felt tears forming in her eyes as she tried to speak, but she couldn’t find the right words. It shocked her that he could so quickly assume in the worst in her. She just put out her hand to touch his arm, the gesture pleading for understanding. He misinterpreted the meaning behind it. “I won’t lie for you. When the guard comes back, I’ll tell him what I saw. Which was nothing.”

Defiance, hurt, betrayal, beseeching… all washed through May’s face. Finally, she was able to say, “You’ll see, trust me,” before she turned away from him to follow after the others.

But she could already see them down the hall, coming back towards her. As they drew nearer, May could see that Alicia was not unhappy. Emily was frowning, looking thwarted.

Ethan could read the facial cues just as well as May, he looked at her with a cold expression before turning and saying, “Goodbye, May.” His tone had a finality to it that knocked the wind out of her.

A sob erupted from within her, and she ran away down the hall without thinking where she should go. All she knew was that she wanted nothing more to do with the wretched iPod business. This day had been the longest, most dramatic one of her life, and school wasn’t even out yet. Not for the rest of the students anyway, but May resolved that she was done.

She made her way to the nurse’s office, and deftly faked her way into getting excused from the rest of the afternoon classes. She had no one to drive her home in the middle of school, so she walked, crying the whole way. Her heart was aching. She just wanted Ethan. His arms around her would make all of her despair vanish, she was certain. But of course, the only thing that could cause such anguish was the absence of any hope for what would cure it. What a conundrum. She was so wounded by his instantly unfeeling behavior toward her—he was always so friendly to everybody; even people who called him outright names to his face! That she could be the one to bring out such a frosty reaction was inconceivable to May.

When she reached her house, she went straight to the couch, and lay on it, not even bothering to remove her backpack. She became catatonic, and stared into space. She could feel the skin of her face tightening as her tears evaporated on her cheeks, leaving behind salty deposits.

May wasn’t sure how long she had been laying there, when the phone rang. Without thinking she sat up to answer it, not realizing that she had no desire to speak to anybody until she had already uncradled the phone.

“Hello?” She answered dully.

“May! Oh, May! There you are!” It was Emily, and she sounded relieved. “I looked for you everywhere, I didn’t know where you had run off to!” May didn’t answer, and Emily didn’t wait for her to. “We found it! We found my iPod! It was still in her gym locker, I guess she never took it out. Oh, May! I owe you huge! Why did you leave so quickly?”

There was barely any relief for her in hearing that the iPod had been found. May couldn’t bring herself to tell Emily what Ethan had deduced and assumed about this afternoon. How he had in not so many words dumped her, even though they were barely dating each other anyway. She could only say, “I suddenly got really sick. I needed to come home.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Emily sounded sympathetic. “Is there anything I can do for you? I mean it, you did so much for me today…”

May thought of something Emily could do. “Can you fake sick tomorrow to get out of school? I need a serious mental health day, and I need you to take me to that voodoo store so I can hopefully get some answers about the mirror.”

Emily was still so elated at the return of her iPod, “Anything! Of course. I’ll wait until my parents are gone to work, then I’ll come and get you.”

May felt the weight of her depression about Ethan pressing down on her again, “Thanks. I’m gonna go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

May hung up the phone, and threw herself back down on the couch. She wanted to scream, break something, cry, and hug someone all at once.

When did I turn into such a drama queen?!

Chapter 13

May led Emily up to her bedroom, and stood her in front of the mirror. Emily looked over at May with an expression that clearly said Oh, my gosh. You have lost your mind. Rather than tell Emily all about the mirror, she thought it would be best to show her. May wasn’t sure if two people could go into the mirror together or not. She’d just have to find out.

“Okay, Emily. Just do exactly what I tell you to do okay? And if something happens, and you can’t find me… just find some place and go to sleep.” Emily just stared back, with a vacant incredulity. “I want you to think really hard about when we were in physics this morning. Remember when the bell rang at the end of the period? Think about that time, and on the count of three, I want you to say, ‘I wish I could re-do this morning.’”

“May…” Emily started to protest, now her face looking seriously worried.

“Trust me, please. Ready? One… two… three…” May grabbed Emily’s hand tightly, wondering if physical contact would be required to go in together.

The two girls spoke the words which would invoke the mirror at the exact same time. Emily’s tone was decidedly skeptical. May could feel the shivery tingling sensation taking over, and just as it got dark, she swore she could hear Emily gasp.

The next sound May heard was the ringing of the school bell, and when there was enough light for her to be able to see, she looked over at Emily. She knew immediately it had worked—Emily sat there frozen; wide eyed, with her hands braced out around her like she had just endured an earthquake. She began to stutter, “Wh-wh-wh… What?!?”

May grabbed Emily’s hands in hers, and knelt down in front of her, looking her in the eyes to try to steady her friend. “Emily,” She spoke very slowly, “listen to me. We have gone back to this morning. That mirror of mine has some kind of special power that allows people to go back and re-visit events. It isn’t permanent, and nothing that happens here will have an actual effect on reality. But if you don’t change anything, things will happen exactly as they did before, and we can find out who took your iPod.” May watched Emily carefully, gauging if she believed what she had just heard. Emily’s response surprised her.

“Oh, my gosh, May. Is this how you got Ethan?!” She looked triumphant at having cracked the puzzle.

“Emily…” May was embarrassed, and tried to look away. Then she gave up the pretense, there was no point in hiding anything from Emily, now. “Well, yes.” Emily looked gleeful. “But we need to focus on you, now. I have a plan… you go to P.E. like usual; I’ll skip my next class and hide in the locker room. Do everything the same as you did before, and I’ll be able to see who the thief was. As soon as I know who did it, I’ll come out and find you… then we can get out of here and back to reality.”

They hurried toward the gym, both with adrenaline pumping hard through their bodies. May was worried that Emily might be so keyed up that the outcome would be different. “Remember,” she said as they got to the locker room, “try to do exactly the same thing as this morning.” Then she slid herself behind a large rolling hamper of soiled towels to watch.

The locker room was full of girls changing into their workout clothes. May knew who most of them were. Emily carefully dialed her locker combination, and opened the locker. She pulled out her clothes, and put her watch, earings, and iPod into the locker. Next, she bent down and started undressing. May scanned the people around her, looking to see who had noticed Emily placing the iPod in the locker. She couldn’t tell if anyone had seen.

Suddenly, she noticed a girl lean over while Emily was bent down tying her shoes. The girl had something small in her hand, and she quickly shoved it into the hole on Emily’s locker where the latching mechanism would catch. May slapped her hand over her mouth to keep from crying out. She knew who this girl was.

It was Alicia-- the same girl that Ethan had flirted with at lunch. His biology chick. May was screaming obscenities at this girl in her mind. Skank! Whore! She wished there were a really awful word for Thief, but she couldn’t think of one.

May tried to compose herself and keep watching. Emily was folding her clothes now, and placed them on top of the other articles in the locker. She closed the door as she was walking away, and didn’t even notice when it popped back open a little.

May waited while the locker room cleared; sure enough, Alicia lagged behind. She looked around herself a few times to make sure the coast was clear, then she opened Emily’s locker, grabbed the iPod, unclogged the latch on the locker and quickly shoved it into her own locker. She closed the door, tightened her ponytail, and walked out of the room.

After having squatted there for ten minutes, May’s knees screamed when she stood up again. That was easier than she had imagined it would be. Now what should she do with the knowledge she gained? Emily could help her figure it out. She was so grateful now to have a co-conspirator in the mirror. May left the locker room to find Emily.

Emily was loitering near the bleachers, watching the locker room door. As soon as May came out, she sprinted over to her. “Well?” Emily asked breathlessly. “Do you know who took it?”

May nodded, “Yes, I saw it with my own two eyes: Alicia.” She hissed the name through her teeth like it was a curse.

Emily gasped, “Really? I never would have thought she was the type to steal!”

May told her exactly what she had seen as the two quietly snuck out the gym doors.

“Now what?” Emily asked.

“Well, we need to get back to the real world. To do that, we have to fall asleep.”

“Ha! Like I could sleep?” Emily was bouncing with joy as they walked.

“True…” They were both actually quite wound up.

They decided to go back to Emily’s house, where they would try to calm down and hopefully nap. As they drove, Emily demanded May give her the full history of the mirror, and everything she had done while in it. She complied, and explained to the best of her understanding how it worked, and added the bit she had uncovered about other’s dreams.

“So that’s how you got those guys so into you!” Emily apprehended. “You got into their heads! If you can get someone to dream steamy dreams about you, it is bound to have an effect on their waking mind, too!”

May bit her lip, feeling guilty. The spin Emily put on things made her feel pretty vile. “I didn’t know that’s what would happen, at the time…” she trailed off. She suddenly realized Emily had turned the car around, and they were going back toward the school. “Emily, what’s going on?”

“There’s something I want to do. I’m not sure if I’ll get another chance…” She looked very focused. The two didn’t say anything else until they got back to the school. “Just a minute, wait here.” Emily instructed.

May obeyed, and sat impatiently, wondering what Emily could be doing. About five minutes later, Emily came dashing back. Her face was red, but she looked exultant. She hopped in the car, and pulled away without saying anything.

“Emily…” May intoned. “Do I even want to ask?”

Emily just beamed at her. “I copied your idea! I kissed him! I walked into the middle of that classroom, walked right up to him, and kissed him! Ha ha!” She was victorious.

“Who did you kiss?” May asked warily, afraid of the answer.

“Jared, of course!”

“Ugh! Ew! Oh, Emily! Yuck! Why?” May tried to control her gag reflex.

“He’s your brother, I wouldn’t expect you to understand why!”

May was still shuddering. “Oh, man. Okay. Please, don’t tell me anything more. I think I just barfed in my mouth a little.”

Emily rolled her eyes, “Oh, stop.” Then she just smiled, a big toothy smile that didn’t leave her face the entire drive back to her house.

The girls decided they would never get to sleep as things were, so they took a little bit of Benadryl to help loll them away. As the Benadryl took its effect, they laid next to each other on Emily’s bed, finally able to talk about the open-ended relationship May and Ethan now found themselves in.

“So, he’ll like, hold your hand and kiss you, but he won’t say you’re his girlfriend? May, that is messed up. You shouldn’t let him do that to you.”

May buried her face in the pillow. “But I like him so much! I can’t stop thinking about him… I feel like if I’m not with him, I might tear in half. I know it isn’t ideal, and it is probably going to give me lots of trouble, but I feel like I have no choice. It’s so hard to explain. It’s like this obsession that overwhelms reason. And I can see that it does it, and I can’t make myself care!”

Emily shook her head, “If I were you, I’d go after Ryan. You know he likes you, and he is so… mature. I can’t imagine him jerking anyone around the way Ethan is doing to you.”

May felt the urge to defend Ethan, “He isn’t trying to jerk me around; he has these weird ideals, and he’s very sure of them. I don’t know what makes him the way he is, but he is honestly good. Oblivious a lot of the time, true-- but he is sincere.” May trailed off, and picked back up again. “But you are right. If I were me, I’d go after Ryan too.”

May had that warm gooey Benadryl-induced sleep feeling starting in her stomach. She could feel her mind drifting, and soon the tingling sensation was taking over.

Chapter 12

May walked to her locker with as much nonchalance as she could manage. She smiled at Ethan, and the three girls he had been talking with. They were from the class below her, and she didn’t know them. “Hey guys!” Sound cheery, she ordered herself. “What’s going on?”

Ethan smiled a huge smile at her. He looked almost proud. “Just waiting for you,” he said as he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. As soon as he turned his attention to May, the harem vanished. As did her troubles. “Let’s go somewhere private. I want to work a few things out.”

May would have followed that boy anywhere, but in this case she only had to go as far as his jeep. It would have been her fondest wish to be holding his hand right then as they walked, but she still didn’t know exactly how things stood between them, so she just followed his lead. Ethan opened the door for May, and she climbed in.

When he got in on his side, she was the first to speak, saying only, “So…”

“Hey, you stole my line!” Ethan teased.

May didn’t wait for him to bring up the elephant in the car. “Look, Ethan. You are really confusing me today. I’ve told you how things are for me. I thought I understood how things are for you, but then you kissed me like that… and I just have to know. Have you changed your mind about how you want it to be between us?”

It looked like Ethan wasn’t expecting May to lay it all out so plainly, and he paused. But then he seemed relieved by her frankness, and relaxed as he spoke. “Yes and no.” May furrowed her brow at his vague reply. He put up a finger to indicate that he wasn’t done speaking, and seemed to be trying to choose his words. “You know I don’t want a girlfriend. I would be a horrible boyfriend.”

“I agree.” She thought of the three sophomore tarts at her locker.

Ethan looked chagrined that she agreed so easily, but didn’t acknowledge her reply. “I really do like you, and I don’t want to be giving you grief. I have to believe that there are other options besides completely avoiding each other, or being one-hundred percent devoted.” He paused to put his hand on her knee to reassure her. “You know it has nothing to do with you. I don’t think I, or anyone our age, should be getting heavily involved with just one person.” Then he continued with his original line of thought, “Anyway, I just feel like there has to be some middle ground here where we can both be happy.”

“I do not want to be your friend with benefits, Ethan.” May interjected.

Ethan laughed at her and smiled, “No, you’re too adorable for me to pretend you are just my friend.” He held her hand now. “We can date each other, it doesn’t need to be a secret or anything like that, but let’s agree here and now that we are both free to go out with other people if either one of us wants to.”

May already knew that this would be a problem for her. She couldn’t imagine how crushed she would feel to see him with another girl. This arrangement might have worked if she weren’t already so obsessed with him. Still, if she wanted any part of Ethan, she would need to play along. In her heart she knew that the she would never go out with anyone else. She would just have to deal with heartache when it came. With a pit in her stomach, she agreed to his proposal.

Ethan looked very happy that the negotiations had gone so easily. They sat in silence for a moment, May thinking that sitting alone here in his car would be the perfect place to kiss him. But she didn’t know if that would have a place in their arrangement. As if he had read her mind, he leaned into her and planted a slow peck on her lips. “Let’s go get lunch, then.” Ethan said as he opened his door.

They walked back towards the school, holding hands this time. May loved how the skin of his hand felt smooth, warm, and strong against hers. She welcomed this new physical part of their “relationship,” but it served to confuse her more. Holding hands was a fairly territorial gesture, she had always thought. Of course, this was Ethan; she realized more and more that he marched to the beat of a different drum. May decided that as long as she was able to kiss him, or hold his hand, that she wouldn’t question it. She wanted every part of Ethan that he was willing to give.

On their way back toward the cafeteria, they passed Ryan entering the library. In their last encounter in the mirror, Ethan had expressed his guilt about stealing May’s affections. She wondered why he hadn’t mentioned it now. May suddenly remembered that she wasn’t supposed to know that Ryan liked her. Her hopes soared at the thought that maybe Ethan had insisted on an open relationship because of his remorse over hurting Ryan. Perhaps Ethan wasn’t going to be dating anyone else at all, but he was leaving an opening for his best friend.

As if in immediate response to her generous assumption about Ethan, she heard a female voice call from across the courtyard.

“Hi, Ethan!” It was in that kind of singsong overfriendly voice girls often used when talking to him. May hoped that wasn’t how she used to sound around him. She looked to see who it was, and recognized a girl she didn’t know very well. “See you in biology!” She said with a wink. Ah, this must be his biology-girl. May thought.

“Yeah, we’re cutting open frogs today! Will you catch me if I faint, Alicia?” Ethan answered her just like he would if May weren’t standing there, holding his hand. She wanted to lose her grip on it; it felt instantly phony, and more like a sign of her inferiority. It was like how a child would hold onto an authority figure’s hand. Speaking when spoken to, and just along for the ride. She didn’t know she could feel this wretched so soon after being so happy.

Ethan must have sensed the shift in her mood. “Does that bother you?”

“We just agreed that I have no right to be bothered, Ethan.” She answered tersely.

“May, I don’t act the way I do to taunt you.” He pulled her into his chest and hugged her. “Look, we agreed that we are both free to date around. That doesn’t mean you can’t ask me to reign in the superfluous flirting when we’re together.”

May was still feeling a little sour, although she was sweetening with each moment that Ethan held her in his arms. “But isn’t flirting like, an essential part of your genetic makeup?”

“No,” Ethan confessed, “It’s just really fun. But I’ll trade it for other fun when I’m with you, okay?” She looked up at him and smiled wide now. She simply could not stay feeling anything but joy when she was this close to him. “Hey, aren’t you going to ask me ‘what kind of fun’?” She could feel him turning on the charm.

“Alright. What kind of fun?” May thought she probably already knew.

In a swift movement, he stepped forward with one foot and dipped her back, still holding her tightly, and leaned over her with a wicked expression. She gasped in surprise, but then started laughing so hard that she thought he might drop her. Her laughter was infectious, and soon she was at risk of being dropped because he was laughing uncontrollably now, too. He lowered her to the ground, and sank down beside her, both clutching their sides as they howled with laughter.

“What are you laughing at?” They both demanded of each other at the same moment. This sent them into a fresh round of hysterics.

“Your face!” May finally spit out.

Ethan was still doubled up, but managed to say, “You laugh like a snake!”

May’s laughter stopped short as she worked her face into a look of deep offense, and she punched Ethan in the shoulder. This only made him laugh harder, and soon she was joining him again. The two of them were unaware of the spectacle they were making of themselves, until Ryan walked up to them.

“Hey, are you guys having some kind of tandem seizure over here?” May looked up when she heard his voice, and saw dozens of eyes watching them with a range of different expressions as they walked past. May knew that Ethan loved attention, but she still wasn’t used to it. She sobered immediately and stood.

Ethan was still struggling to regain his composure, so May answered Ryan. “No seizures here. I’m not sure what just happened, but I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time…” she looked down at her pants, “…and now I’m suddenly covered in dirt.”

“Ryan! Ryan!” Ethan called from the ground, holding his hand up. “Help me up, man.” Ethan was still giggling a little bit. Ryan pulled Ethan up effortlessly, and just looked at his cousin with an amused expression. “Ryan, May laughs just like a snake!” May shot Ethan a dirty look.

“I actually heard…” Ryan said, apologizing with a wink when he saw May’s betrayed expression. “Sorry, but you kind of do.”

“We were just headed in to eat, do you want to join us?” Ethan invited. Moments ago, May would’ve wanted to be alone with Ethan, but the sudden bout of mirth cleared her mind inexplicably. She actually hoped that Ryan would join them.

“Yeah, Ryan. Eat with us.” May encouraged him. Ryan agreed, he seemed pleased by the invite. Ethan seemed pleased that May wanted him there. May was just pleased all around.

The three of them sat together, sharing pleasant chatter. “So what did you find out about those disappearing honey bees, May?” Ryan queried from behind a piece of pizza.

“Honey bees?” Ethan repeated, looking at her with interest.

May blushed a little, “Um, nothing yet. It warrants further research.”

Ryan laughed, “Alright, well you let me know when you find anything. I haven’t seen a single bee since you mentioned it, and it’s going to have me up at night.”

May was about to respond, when suddenly Emily appeared by her side. “Emily!” She exclaimed, happy to see her friend there. But when she looked at her face, she realized Emily had tears in her eyes. “Emily!” May exclaimed again, this time in surprise. She stood up and hugged her friend, “what’s the matter?”

Emily’s tears were silent, and she softly said to May, “I think somebody stole my iPod!”

May’s heart sank. Emily had wanted an iPod for months, but her parents wouldn’t buy her one, saying that it was far too much to spend on a little electronic toy. So Emily had gotten a paper route and worked for three months in order to have enough money to buy one for herself. For Emily, this was a huge sacrifice—there was nothing she loved more than sleeping in. She had finally purchased the mp3 player just two weeks ago.

“Oh, no! Oh, Emily! Are you sure you didn’t just misplace it?”

“I’m pretty sure…” Emily’s voice was shaky. “I very clearly remember locking it in my P.E. locker last hour, and when I came back to change, it was missing.” May felt certain now that her friend was right about it being stolen. She felt crushed on Emily’s behalf… small electronics got stolen all the time at school, and they were rarely found.

Ryan’s voice interrupted her thoughts, “Emily, did you report it to the security guard yet?” Just then, the bell rang signaling the end of the lunch period.

“Um, n-n-not yet…” Poor Emily was so undone by the theft, she had a hard time answering his question.

“Come with me, I’ll take you to make a report.” Ryan and Ethan were both standing by the two girls, now.

Then, a sudden thought struck May, and she quickly grabbed Emily’s arm. “Thanks, Ryan. But I’ll take her. You guys should get to class, you’ll be late.” She started hauling Emily away with her, then she looked over her shoulder at Ethan, “See you.” She wanted to tell Emily all about their arrangement, but knew this wasn’t the time.

As they passed through the maze of buildings that made up the high school, Emily finally spoke. “Wait, where are we going? The office is that way,” she pointed in the opposite way from where they were headed.

“We’re not going to the office, you’re taking us to my house.” May still held onto Emily as she charged with purpose towards the parking lot.

“But what about my iPod? And we’ll be truant!” Emily exclaimed.

May paused as she considered possible truancy. She had forgotten about needing to be in class. Then she picked up her speed as she realized time was slipping away, and if Emily wanted her iPod back, they would need to act quickly. If they got in trouble for being truant, she would just deal with it then; for now she hoped that the fact that the two of them were good students would protect them from being in any actual trouble.

“Trust me, Emily. I know how we can find out who took your iPod, and if we hurry we will be able to get it back.” They climbed into Emily’s car, and headed towards May’s house. May was hit with the realization that she couldn’t do this without telling Emily all about the mirror. Half of her welcomed sharing this secret with her best friend; it would be a relief to have someone to discuss it with. The other half still wasn’t sure that her experiences in the mirror weren’t just hallucinations. Well, in a few minutes she would know for certain.

Chapter 11

The alcove where May hid faced into the wind. There was a collection of trash and leaves that had blown into the corner, and was now trapped. She was staring blankly into it as she willed the puffiness in her eyes to deflate, when a word caught her eye.

She picked up the crumpled newspaper it was written on, and smoothed it out to find that it was part of an ad in the classifieds. It read:

Esmeralda’s Cave: readings, potions, charms, and spells. Mystical answers to your problems. 45 S Main, Basement.

May ripped the ad out from the larger paper, and put it in her back pocket. She couldn’t help but find a correlation between her confusion and heartbreak now and the introduction of that mysterious mirror into her life. Hopefully this Esmeralda had some insight for her. She wanted to try and get there at her first opportunity, but wasn’t sure when that could be-- she didn’t want to ask someone for a ride to a voodoo shop.

She rubbed her eyes vigorously and decided it was time to be a big girl and get to class. Class had only started five minutes ago. The thought that Ethan might have changed his mind was too tantalizing to resist dwelling on, and it filled her mind with hope as she headed towards the classroom where he would be sitting.

May ducked quietly into the classroom, where the students sat in silence doing “sustained silent reading.” Mrs. Nelson looked up as she entered, and nodded in recognition. Ryan had done exactly what he’d said.

Ethan and Ryan both watched her as she walked towards her seat. Ryan’s look showed concern; Ethan’s was a mix of regret, apology, and impatience. She smiled at Ryan to reassure him, and then wiped her face clean of any expression at all as she looked back at Ethan.

He quickly grabbed her left hand as she was walking past. She looked down at him expectantly. He only mouthed the words, “Please,” and “Sorry.”

May took her hand back and shook her head, mouthing, “Don’t,” before she looked away and sat down. Pity was a very poor substitute for the devotion she was after.

The entire class hour was spent reading, but May didn’t get through a single paragraph. She was trying to choose her position. She wanted to just be mad at Ethan—mad at him until he gave up his stupid, self-imposed romantic exile-- but that wasn’t going to grant her the closeness she craved. He had said he wanted to be with her more, but nothing romantic. Should she respect that and be happy just in his presence? Or should she be outspoken in arguing her case? No answer came to her.

Class ended, and she stayed in her seat for a few moments. The rest of the class was filing out around her; she looked back at Ethan’s desk and saw that he sat there still. He was watching her intently. She looked back at him. They sat there for a few long moments, none of the other students seemed to be aware of the tension as they walked past. When they were only two people left in the room, he got up and walked to her desk, kneeling down beside her.

“Please don’t be upset.” He pleaded.

“I’m not sure how else I’m supposed to feel.”

“Just—let’s just hang out some more. I really like being with you.” He sounded like he was trying to convince her.

“You just don’t get it at all, Ethan. Why would I do that to myself?”

“But you said you like me…” he trailed off, seeming confused.

“Of course I like you! I like you a lot. But you aren’t interested in anything more than hanging out, and I am. It would be like torture to spend time with you because I would always be wanting more.” May didn’t hide the anguish in her eyes.

Ethan looked back at her, and she was surprised to see his tortured expression. Then suddenly, he was kissing her. She wasn’t sure how it happened, but she only let out a small squeak of surprise before she had her hands intertwined behind his neck and was kissing him back. They were both so involved, that neither of them noticed when their teacher entered the room again.

“Children, please.” Mrs. Nelson snapped.

They broke their kiss and both stood immediately. May hid her face in embarrassment as she grabbed her things to leave. Ethan was more suave.

“Aw, Mrs. Nelson,” he smiled his big smile at her, “We were having a moment.”

“Have it somewhere else. I’ve got freshmen coming in next hour, I don’t need them getting all hot and bothered watching the two of you.”

May was mortified, and started toward the door ahead of Ethan. He grabbed his things, then dashed to catch up with her. He grabbed her hand and held it as they walked, and as they exited the door he stopped her and gave her one more quick kiss.

“Okay?” was all he said.

“Okay,” was all she could answer.

They parted ways at the door, their classes being in opposite directions.

“I’ll find you at lunch,” he called to her.

May walked in a daze, not noticing anyone or anything among the throngs of students in the hall. Her heart was thumping away. My first kiss. She put her hand up to her lips. She felt like they had to be glowing or something, surely anyone who looked at her would be able to see there was something different about them now.

She had been right not to consider her encounters in the mirror as the real thing. They felt like daydreams compared to this feeling now. She couldn’t get over the knowledge that here, in reality, where Ethan would remember just as well as she, they had kissed. She still didn’t know where things stood with him, and it seemed to her the kiss was a bit of a concession on his part. At this point, she honestly didn’t care. She was thrilled, and she was so glad that Emily was in her next class. Even for just three minutes, it was killing her to keep it to herself.

May entered her physics classroom and joined Emily at the lab table they shared. She was beaming as she sat down. Emily looked at her, knowing immediately there was something to tell. “Well?” she pressed.

“He kissed me, Emily!” May whispered excitedly.

“Wh- woah!” Emily was stunned, but then she paused. “Wait. Who are we talking about?”

“Who?” May couldn’t believe there could be any confusion. “Ethan!”

“Ethan? Ethan kissed you? But what does that mean?”

“I don’t know for sure,” May confessed. Then she spilled everything that had passed between them; the declaration of his feelings, then his stated desire to remain platonic, her reaction, and his apology.

Emily was unsurprised that Ethan had tried to avoid any romantic connection at first. “Honestly, May. Have you ever heard of anybody going out with Ethan? Ever?” May admitted that she hadn’t. “It’s hard to even picture, actually. He is such a playboy.”

May felt a little pit in her stomach when Emily said that. “That is true, he doesn’t really seem boyfriend material.” She buried her head into her folded arms on the lab table, “but I really want him to be! I’m so confused!”

“I’m confused, too!” Emily exclaimed. “This is all happening so quickly. May—three days ago, you had never said more than three words together to the guy, and now look at you! Don’t get me wrong, it is totally awesome. It’s just so weird, though!”

May sat up, as though what Emily just pointed out had never occurred to her--probably because it hadn’t. With her extra interactions that were happening outside of time, she had lost track of the timeline in reality. “Woah, you’re right…” May trailed off as she contemplated how the real world was seeming just as unbelievable as the fact of the existence of the mirror.

“Okay, May” Emily commanded. “I don’t care how you do it, but you have to find me after lunch and tell me what happens.”

The next hour was American History, and it was torture. She watched the clock as the minutes ticked agonizingly slow around the clock. Finally, the bell rang for lunch. May really wanted to go hunt Ethan down, but he had said that he would find her. So she tried to keep herself looking composed as she headed to her locker.

She rounded the corner, and saw Ethan leaning against the locker next to hers. He wasn’t waiting for her, though. Three girls surrounded him, and the four of them were talking. Laughing. Flirting. May felt like someone had just kicked her in the stomach. What was Ethan doing? It was only lunchtime, but she felt like she had swung the complete continuum of emotions with him about three times today. Were her feelings some joke to him? She wanted to have a fit right there and embarrass him, but she knew it would only be her that was embarrassed in the end. She decided then she wouldn’t be weak, and she wouldn’t let Ethan see how he was hurting her.

Chapter 10

They agreed that a restaurant like IHOP or Denny’s would be too slow, and would make them late for school. It was a beautiful morning, unseasonably warm, so Ethan and May went to a drive-thru and took the food down to a park overlooking the river that ran through their town. Along the way they enjoyed an easy, friendly, witty banter.

As they sat down at a picnic table, May remarked, “You know, I have never done anything like this before.”

Ethan was sitting across from her. Their table was oriented perpendicular to the riverbank, so they were both able to stare off into the water as they ate. “What are you referring to?”

“Just, breaking my routine. Going out to eat before school…” May paused and then laughed, “catching rides with you. I have always been such a creature of habit. It is so—invigorating to change things up.”

Ethan considered her carefully for a moment, then looked back over the water again. “Yes, I have noticed you seem to have changed a lot all at once.” May shrugged her shoulders in response. She knew he wasn’t referring to mere habits. “Anything prompt this revolution?” He emphasized the word facetiously.

She didn’t know how to answer. She hadn’t wanted to talk about herself today, but shutting him down didn’t seem like a good way to get him to warm to her. “Umm…” she hesitated, taking a bite of hashbrown. Then she decided to be straight forward, “So something happened on Monday that just kind of made me snap.”

“What I did in class?” Ethan interjected.

“That was part of it, yes…” May admitted. “But don’t take all the credit. There were a… series of things.” She would just gloss over the magical mirror hanging on her wall. “The end result was I just got really fed-up and angry. I guess being angry kind of moved me to make some adjustments.”

“Are you still angry?” he pressed.

“Um, hey, are you some kind of student of human nature or something? Why are you so interested?” She tried to make her question sound sincere instead of annoyed. May was done talking about herself.

“I don’t know… I guess I feel at least partially responsible, and I want to know if I should be seeking the credit, or shirking the blame.” He winked.

May laughed, trying to keep things light. “Well, which do you think it is, based on outward appearances?”

Ethan looked at her now, with mock seriousness as he pretended to be trying to read her face. May looked back at him coolly, awaiting his assessment. He slapped his hands on the table suddenly, sat up straight and exclaimed, “Well, somebody give me a cookie! I do believe you are happier, now!”

May rolled her eyes as she smiled, looking over the scenery. “Alright, alright… I admit I have been much happier these few days since I had a bit of a break down on Monday.” She looked at Ethan now, “Wow, you know what? I am done talking about myself, now! No more talk of me is allowed.” She paused, “So what is the latest and greatest in the debonair life of Ethan White?”

She could see him considering her question very carefully. More carefully than necessary, she thought. He took a studied breath, then answered. “Can’t say.”

“’Can’t say?’” May laughed incredulously. “Because you don’t know, or because it’s a secret?”

“Because I’m not allowed to talk about it.”

May was intrigued. “Oooh, so it is a secret.”

“No, not a secret.” Ethan countered, “it’s just something I’m not allowed to talk about.” May would have dropped it, but the smile on Ethan’s face was telling her he didn’t want her to.

“And who has forbidden it? Or are you allowed to say?”

“No, I can say—I think. It was you.”

“Me?” May was totally perplexed.

“Yeah, you.” Ethan leaned closer. “Just now.”

“Okay, I am so confused…” May admitted.

Ethan sighed and rolled his eyes, but continued with good humor. “You just said you were done talking about yourself, and said we weren’t allowed to talk about you anymore.” He was suddenly touching her fingertips with his across the table. Sweet, sweet understanding washed over May. Ethan continued, unnecessarily, “Then you asked me what the latest and greatest in my life was.”

“Me?” May repeated, dumbly. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised. She already knew that he liked her, but she thought he didn’t want to do anything about it. What surprised her was that she was trying to keep things friendly and platonic in order to keep him close. She thought that talking about feelings like this was what had scared him off in the mirror, and caused him to try to cancel on her yesterday. Yet, here he was, broaching the topic. She hoped her stupor would pass for modesty, instead of disinterest.

“Look, May. You and I, we’ve always had our fun, right? But you’ve changed so much the past few days. You are suddenly so much more interesting.”

May looked back at him, really unsure of how to take that. Ethan was a master flirt, and she was sure if he wanted to, he could really work her over with his charms. What he had just said was not actually very charming.

“Sooo, I’m interesting to you?” She looked unconvinced.

“Oh, come on. You know what I’m saying. I really like you May. I’m attracted to you. I want to spend more time with you.”

“Oh.” May’s reaction was not showing it, perhaps because she was still so taken aback, but her heart was pounding excitedly. This was exactly what she wanted.

Ethan gave her an expectant look that knocked her out of her silence.

“But you don’t want me to ask you to kiss me?” She reminded him of his request.

“Right.” Ethan nodded. Apparently, he hadn’t changed his mind that much.

“Okay, so help me understand, because I’m still confused.” May touched the back of one of his hands with her finger, “You like me, and you’re attracted to me.” She pulled her hand away, “But you don’t want to do anything about it.”

“Exactly!” Ethan smiled, pleased that she understood. She felt a stabbing in her chest at his answer.

May was frustrated. She spoke roughly now, “So why the hell did you even bring it up?”

Ethan was genuinely surprised by her ire. “May, I think people should be honest with each other. I don’t want to play games with you. I wanted you to know that I want to be with you more.”

“Yeah, but with me as what?” May demanded.

“Just, as whatever. You as May, me as Ethan.” The two were done eating, and the start of school was nearing. So they rose and continued their conversation as they walked and got in the car.

“Okay, let me just put this out there… I like you the same way.” May thought you are in my every waking thought and I’m completely obsessed with you might scare him off. “Knowing that, you don’t want to like, do anything about it?”

“Like what?” Seriously? Was he playing games now?

“Um, I don’t know… date?”

“What, like, romantically?” Oh, my gosh. Ethan never seemed stupid before. May didn’t need to answer him, though. “I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“We’re just kids! What do we know about what we really want? It is a horrible idea to try to limit ourselves to each other, don’t you think?”

May was reminded of his attitude about college attendance. It was very much along the same lines, only she was not very impressed by his wisdom in this instance.

“No, I disagree!” May argued. “People date so they can get to know what they want, and if they aren’t finding it, they break up.”

“That’s my point!” Ethan agreed.

May was flummoxed. “No, that’s my point. You are saying people shouldn’t date because they don’t know what they want.”

“No, no, no, see… when people our age date, they cannot possibly know what they really want. But still, so many do get way too serious, and it is all based on so many things which are… artificial! So it can only end in a break up, as far as I see it. Why would I date knowing it was doomed to end in heartbreak? I’ve never had a girlfriend, May; and I don’t want one.”

“Wow, I always thought you were a glass-is-half-full type of guy, but you are actually amazingly pessimistic.”

“I’m not pessimistic, May. I’m just trying to be smart.”

“Well for next time, let me give you a hint to aid you in your quest.” She shot back sharply. They were almost to school now. “Unless you plan to try and sweep a girl off her feet, don’t tell her you have feelings for her. Especially you.” She looked at him, thinking of how any girl with a heartbeat would want him to confess an attraction. “You say you want to prevent heartbreak, well, not everyone shares your philosophies, and you run a high risk of causing it when you let someone know that you are within reach but unobtainable.”

“May…” he pulled into a parking spot and looked at her apologetically. He started to run his fingers through the hair that rested on her left shoulder. For a moment she closed her eyes, enjoying the contact. But then her heartbreak caused her to feel another wave of fury, and she opened the car door and stormed off without a word.

So there it is. May thought. He doesn’t want to be together, even though we could be so happy. Ryan had nothing to do with it, though in the mirror yesterday that had been the excuse. She felt a stab of burning heat sear through her heart. She questioned where his sudden resolve came from, and feared it was her boldness in the mirror that presented him with exercises to give him the power of control now. She was angry, but she still adored him. It was even worse this way. She just learned something she never knew before. Anger plus love equals pain.

May was so tormented by her thoughts that she didn’t pay any attention to where she was going, and she walked straight into Ryan.

“Sorry…” she muttered, without looking at him, continuing to walk towards class.

“May!” Ryan sounded shocked. He reached out and grabbed her shoulder, spinning her back to face him. “May, what on earth is wrong?” He was genuinely concerned.

May definitely didn’t want to tell him. But she looked up at his kind, anxious eyes anyway. “Nothing.” She tried to say it with an even voice, but she felt herself starting to cry, and her chin quivered when she answered. She bit her lip and looked away.

Ryan didn’t speak. He just put one arm around her shoulder, and guided her away from the other students. All the while in silence, he brought her to the far side of the building housing the auditorium. There was nobody there. He led her to a small recess in the wall, then reached into his backpack and handed her a pocket pack of tissues. Then he said only, “Stay here as long as you need, you’ll have privacy. I’m going to tell Mrs. Nelson that the guidance counselor needed to talk to you about your schedule for next semester, and that you are going to be late.” He patted her softly on the shoulder once, and then walked away.

“Thank you,” May called out in a whisper. It was all she could manage. Ryan’s heroism made her hurt even worse. How could he be so understanding with one word from her, yet when she laid everything out to Ethan, he still didn’t get it? Why had her heart attached itself to someone unwilling to handle with care?

She let her tears flow freely now.