Chapter 4

The next morning, May had to get up earlier than usual in order to walk to school. When he alarm woke her, the moment she opened her eyes brought a crushing dread over her that had been numbed while she slept.

She still felt horribly about causing the car accident, even though her parents had been very kind about it. They didn’t see the need to punish her for what had happened. It would be fixed, but May’s dad was going to do it himself, so it would be a few weeks. Being without a car was punishment enough, May imagined. When Jared heard about the car being incapacitated, his first reaction was anger. But when he saw the tears welling up in May’s eyes—yet again—he gave her an exasperated look and saw there was no point, so gave it up.

Also causing May dismay was the embarrassment from having been singled out in English for reprimand. She knew she was over reacting to this, that there were plenty of other students who got in worse trouble all the time. But it was new to her, and she hoped everyone else would have forgotten about it.

And then there was the way she had handled herself so weakly in response to Ethan. May looked up in the mirror on her wall now, still confused about the strange waking dream it had pulled her into. She realized that if it weren’t for her knowledge of how things could be different, she actually wouldn’t be as upset about Ethan. But she had felt so realistically the power and the influence she could have over him. He had been stopped dead in his tracks by her standing her own ground, and it had made him seem wary of her. May didn’t desire for him to fear her, but some healthy respect… She had a taste for it now, and liked how it felt.

May sighed a resigned sigh. Whatever that had been that the mirror had showed her, it wasn’t real. It hadn’t changed anything and when she went to school today, things would be exactly the same. She wished one last time that the reality from the mirror could be hers again, and then she turned to get ready for school.

As May trudged along towards campus, she became keenly aware of being one of the few upper classmen walking along the sidewalk. Most of the others drove themselves or got rides with friends. Emily would have given her a ride happily, she knew; but May was still so embarrassed about her car accident that she couldn’t bring herself to tell anyone about it. She picked up the pace as she realized that her friends would probably see her walking along as they passed in their cars.

Crossing the street that marked the halfway point of her walk, she became aware of a car slowing and pulling up behind her. She had a momentary inward battle, trying to decide if she should glance back to see who it was, or keep walking and pretend she hadn’t noticed. She imagined that whoever it is was planning to offer her a ride the rest of the way. The question on her mind was, is this a person I want to ride with?

She wasn’t concerned for popularity’s sake. It was the thought of having to tell why she wasn’t driving herself, and the always-present potential for an awkward silence for the duration of the ride. Awkward silences were like Chinese water torture to May, because it was often her own cursed reticence that caused them.

"May!" She recognized Ethan's voice immediately. His was probably at the top of the "people's voices I don't want to hear calling me over to offer me a ride" list. But there she stood, too far from school still to have a good reason to refuse, and obviously alone. So she turned around to face him.

Ethan was leaning across the passenger's seat peering at her through an open window.

"May, can I please give you a ride?" His blue eyes tried to work their magic to erase the memory of how he had wronged her. She just looked at him for a moment, trying to formulate her response, still not sure if it would be yes or no.

"I feel so guilty. Please." He pushed open the door for her.

His profession of guilt stunned May, and she climbed in without speaking. Then she turned to him and said, "You feel guilty?"

He thought she meant that she didn't know what about, but really she was surprised that he had enough sensitivity to realize that he should feel guilty. After all, the last he could remember of their interaction, he didn't show much real remorse. She had another memory to draw on, and the way his response from it had bled over into today perplexed her.

"Well, don't you remember what happened in English yesterday?" He thought he had to remind her. "Hmm, well, maybe it wasn't as big a deal as Ryan said."

Ryan? The introduction of his name into the conversation made perfect sense. Of course Ryan would have chewed his friend out for what he had done. And of course, Ethan would have needed it pointed out to him that it had kind of been a big deal to May. Ethan wasn't mean or heartless, May knew. He was just oblivious to how his actions affected other people. She found that strangely endearing, and this caused the part of her that always screamed at the other part to have some self-respect to throw a tantrum.

May suddenly realized that an awkward silence was looming, and unless she responded to him quickly, the window for a response would close. She felt herself at a crossroads. She could just tell him it was nothing, and let him off the hook. Or she could see if his response in the mirror world had been true-to-life, and let him wriggle a little awkwardly first. She remembered how he had responded when she hadn't been a jellyfish, and craved more of that same respect. This second choice scared her, and she didn't know if she had the guts to follow through. Then a sudden surge of adrenaline hit, and she thought, You know what? Screw it! He doesn't have any kind of real regard for me now, so what if he gets upset with me? Her response gushed out like the dam that had always been over her mouth had just burst.

"No, Ryan was exactly right. How could you do that to me, Ethan? I was humiliated, and you just sat there. A real man would've stood up and taken the blame somehow, but you let me take a huge hit for you, when we are nothing to each other. Who were you to ask that favor of me to begin with? We're not really even friends. You just exploited an obvious and embarrassing weakness in me for your own gain, then hung me out to dry. You were despicable yesterday."

Oh. My. Gosh. Did I seriously just say all that out loud?

Ethan's reaction to this outburst was the same as the one from the mirror. Simply flabbergasted. At least this time he knows why, May thought. He seemed to be fumbling for an appropriately Ethan-esque response, but came up short, and surprisingly vulnerable.

"Wow, May. What can I say? I treated you horribly, and I'm just really, really sorry.”

Her heart immediately softened at what seemed to be the most sincere utterance she had ever heard him make. She sighed, and tried to give him a big smile, wishing she could take back some of what she had said. She had meant it all, of course; but thought now that it would be better if she hadn't exposed so many of her more private feelings.

"Um, hey... let's just forget about it, alright?" She tried to shift the subject a bit. "Your offering me a ride now makes us even, ok?"

"Okay," Ethan smiled back. "Why aren't you driving your car today?"

Oops! May hadn't wanted to change to that subject. She had embarrassed herself enough just now, and didn't feel like confessing to causing a car accident. So she made a quick lie of omission.

"It needs some work, and we can't drive it until my dad fixes it."

"Oh." Ethan's wheels seemed to be turning. "Look, I know you just told me to forget about it... but obviously what I did can't quite be erased by one ride to school."

Wait... what is happening? May knew exactly where he was going with this, but had a hard time believing it.

Ethan continued, "So, maybe I can give you rides for the rest of the week? I know you think we're not even friends..."

His recitation of her own words stung harder than she expected them to. She had hoped that her verbal diarrhea had been too fast for him to pick out the individual things she had said. Perhaps he paid better attention to others than she originally thought.

May was the guilty one, now. "No, no... I'm sorry I said that. I shouldn't have said that." She suddenly thought that maybe it looked like she was dropping hints, trying to make him offer her more rides.

"I wasn't trying to get you to offer another ride to school," she blurted out.

Ethan looked over at her with a funny, condescending smile. This was a look she'd never seen him make before.

"Don't worry, May. I don't think you're that diabolical. Just let me drive you this week, alright?"

May was deeply flattered by the way he made it seem as though it would be a personal favor to him if she allowed him to drive her. She knew this was just his way of dealing with people, though, so tried to take it with a grain of salt.

"Alright. Deal."

There was a moment's pause before Ethan spoke again.

"Hey, I think this is the longest conversation we've ever had! You're fun to talk to when you're angry. I'll have to think of some other despicable things to do to you."

They both laughed at that, though May felt another stab of remorse when he again threw her words back at her. As they pulled into a parking spot, May was impressed by Ethan's ability to transform a woman's ire into approval. This boy was a force more formidable than he appeared.

As they walked toward the building together, May felt a natural high. It wasn't that she was now being seen walking with this beautiful boy, although she admitted that was a small part of it. She had stood up for herself, and had a fantastic outcome. If it hadn't been for her trial run with the mirror yesterday, it never would have occurred to her that things could turn out this way.

What else could the mirror reveal?