Finally, she closed her book and stood up. She needed to see him now. The mirror hung there on her wall, calling to her silently. At first she fought the urge-- she hadn’t wanted to use it again for something like this. She felt unscrupulous at the thought of it, but shrugged it off. I will be careful this time, she thought, trying to mollify the gnawing feeling she had. This time, she would make sure it was only Ethan who saw her. So only Ethan could dream about her. This would suit her purposes just fine.
Jared wasn’t home this afternoon, so this would be the perfect time and place. But first she had to set things up. She closed her eyes, and pictured herself a few minutes before arriving at Ryan’s locker after school. Then she spoke the words that would take her there.
The lights did their show, and the tingling ran its course. Easier every time! May thought.
She pulled out a piece of notebook paper and wrote:
“Ethan—Meet me at my house after Ryan drops me off. I want to talk to you about something. Shh! -May”
She folded it up into a note small enough to hide in her hand. Then she walked over to where Ethan stood at Ryan’s locker. She didn’t face him this time. Instead, she put herself between the two of them, looking at Ryan.
“Are you ready to go?” As she asked him, her hand was behind her back, waving the note at Ethan between her pointer and middle fingers. She felt it slip from her grasp.
She left with Ryan, carefully trying to keep to the exact same script as before. When they were about twenty feet away, she glanced back to see what Ethan was doing. He was just watching them, and gave her one quick, silent nod, when their eyes connected. Perfect! May was feeling deliciously clandestine.
After Ryan dropped her off, May ran upstairs to freshen up in the bathroom. She fussed with her hair a little, and touched up her make up, then she brushed her teeth. She was walking back downstairs when she heard a quiet knock on the door.
Ethan stood there, handsome as ever, smiling evocatively. “Your note has had me in suspense ever since you left. Why so sneaky?”
May invited him in and sat next to him on the deep, comfortable chenille couch in the living room. “Well,” she said, playing with her fingers. “I wanted to get information out of you, and I know you’ll tell me what I want to know if we’re alone.”
“You seem pretty sure of yourself, so I’m eager to hear what you want me to tell you.”
“You and Ryan have been fighting a little, haven’t you?”
“Yes.” Ethan freely confessed. May knew he would tell her what Ryan wouldn’t.
“It’s about me, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Ethan confessed again.
May looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate.
“I’m surprised you picked up on that, I thought we were hiding it well.”
“What are you fighting about, exactly?”
“Well, fighting is too strong a word, really. Let’s just call it a quarrel between cousins.”
“Fine, what have you been quarrelling about, then?”
“Wow, I really shouldn’t be telling you this!” Ethan leaned his head back, running his hands roughly across his scalp. Then he threw them up in the air in resignation, and dropped them to his sides. “But here I am… if you ever say I told you, I’ll deny it.” He pointed a playfully accusing finger in her face.
“Don’t worry, my lips are sealed.”
“Okay, well, He would never admit it, but Ryan has always harbored a little teensy weensy crush on you.” Always? May tried to hide her reaction, and beckoned for him to continue. “Yeah, just a little one. So he’s always gotten a little ruffled whenever I, you know, play around with you.”
“I’ve noticed that. That’s not the quarrel though, is it?”
“No… um, heh--” Ethan started to act a little embarrassed now. Then he appeared to abandon any pretense and spilled the rest. “So, last night he had a dream that you and I had made out in front of him. He woke up feeling unnaturally jealous, and now wants me to back off a little. I guess he’s afraid his dream might come true.”
May kind of couldn’t believe Ethan had just told her all that. He actually probably shouldn’t have. She was glad to know, though. And his broaching of the topic provided the perfect segue.
“Oh. Do you think his dream might come true?” May leaned imperceptibly closer to him.
“I actually had the same dream he had. That you totally jumped me out in front of the school.”
May thought this was a strange way to not answer a question. It was avoidant, but turned up the heat a little. She felt her heart starting to race. She put on a surprised and amused look. “Wow, that doesn’t sound like me at all! How did you respond when I did that?”
Ethan laughed jovially. “With gusto!” He admitted.
“Hmm, that’s really funny.” She was sitting on her knees facing him, leaning her face against her hand with her elbow on the back of the sofa. She leaned a little bit closer. “What did I do in your dream, exactly?”
Ethan was not shy at all about this. It made it all the more exciting for May. “Well, you pretty much commanded me to kiss you, and I obeyed.”
“I’m really that powerful, huh? I wonder if that would work in real life.” She gave him a long, significant look.
“Yeah, I wonder, too.” Ethan looked back at her, his eyes dancing. She sensed him leaning towards her, too.
“So, kiss me, then.” She ordered, after a moment’s pause.
He shifted his position on the couch to face her straight on, stretching his left arm along the back of the sofa so that his hand rested gently against her right shoulder. Then he brought his right hand up to her cheek and brought his mouth up to meet hers. This kiss was different than the other one. This one was not so theatrical, but even better in its way.
He held her jaw softly, and kissed her gently at first. She matched the force of his lips with her own. It was slow, and sweet. May untucked her hand from against the side of her head and placed it on his shoulder, so that her arm rested on top of his, almost like in a waltz.
The moment her hand touched his shoulder, the tone of the kiss changed. It went from careful to eager, and their lips moved together bold and quick.
May’s heart was racing at the feeling of his velvety lips. She hadn’t noticed the first time, because her attention had been divided, but his lips were amazingly soft and smooth.
Their lips barely lost contact as he leaned over into her more, pressing her back against the cushions. He brought both of his hands up to her face now as he kissed her one last, lingering kiss that gradually faded in passion until he finally pulled away. He sat back from her only slightly, their eyes locked on each other’s. For a moment, neither of them said anything. Then, simultaneously they exclaimed,
“Whew!”
“Damn, May!”
“So, I guess I have another question then.” May said after another moment’s pause. “Maybe I should’ve asked it first.”
“Obviously, I’ll answer it.”
“So, do you like me, then?”
Ethan gave her a look that made her feel silly for asking. But she wanted to hear what he had to say.
“Yes? No?” she prompted.
“May, contrary to popular belief, I am not some kind of 'man whore.' I wouldn’t kiss you unless I wanted to be kissing… you. So, yes. Yes, I like you.”
May couldn’t hide the triumphant smile that was breaking across her face. “So, would you kiss me again, then?”
Ethan didn’t say anything, he just leaned back into her and picked right up where they had left off. May’s heart soared and she brought her hands up to his head, lacing her fingers into his hair. Suddenly, he pulled back.
“Ah, crap.” He said under his breath.
“What’s wrong?” May asked, worried.
“I’m a bad friend…”
“No, you’re not,” May responded. “Don’t I have a say? I could have asked Ryan to kiss me if he was the one I wanted to kiss.”
“He was though, wasn’t he? Not so long ago.”
May’s honesty matched Ethan’s, “Yes. I had always thought of Ryan as kind of the best-case scenario. I don’t know what happened to change that, but now you are all I can think about.”
“Aw, see? That’s even worse!” Ethan sat back again the couch. “You’re like, the one girl he’s ever felt any interest in and I’ve hijacked you somehow.”
May couldn’t contain her surprise. “I’m the only girl he’s ever liked?”
“Yeah. Okay, we can’t ever tell anybody about this, ok? And please don’t let slip to Ryan that I’ve told you anything, either.”
“Don’t worry, I promise.”
“So…”Ethan bounced his knees up and down for a moment, “I should go, now.”
May pouted a little, but didn’t see that there was much else to say.
“Okay. Can we do this again sometime?”
Ethan was obviously deliberating. “As much as I would like to, that’s probably just not a good idea. I don’t know… look, I’ll just see you tomorrow morning.”
May got up and silently saw him to the front door, and closed it behind him. She felt a stab of rejection. Why had he hedged? What wasn’t a good idea? It took her a few minutes to remember that everything that just happened would be wiped clean when she left the mirror. Ethan would have a dream about her, and it would be over. This afternoon had been illuminating, and she went up to her room to think things through on her way to sleep.
She now knew that Emily had been right about both boys. Both would respond positively to any advances she chose to make. Ethan would apparently feel a pull to be loyal to his best friend, though, which would make things complicated. May’s interest in Ryan had already cooled, but now she felt totally indifferent to him. She still thought he was amazing, but didn’t want him. There was nothing there drawing her in.
As she stood back in her room, back to reality, May didn’t feel guilty about orchestrating this tryst. For one, she found it easy to look on this as a glorified daydream. She wouldn’t feel guilty for thinking about kissing Ethan just in her mind, so why should she here? It had just been a very nice little escape. What could it ever hurt? She was unaware that her own justifications only succeeded because her craving to be with him was intensifying.
There was a nagging thought, tugging at the back of her mind that she needed to get busy trying to find out about the mirror and the magic it possessed. She put it off, not wanting to think about that now. Her homework needed her attention, so she gathered all of her focus, and got to work.
May was nearly finished when the phone rang, about ninety minutes later.
She was the only one home, still, so she answered, “Hello?”
“Hi, May! It’s Ethan.” He sounded a little less jocular than usual.
“Oh, hey! What’s going on?”
“Well, I hope you won’t be mad at me, but I think I need to cancel tomorrow morning.”
May felt a weight of disappointment crushing her chest. She didn’t want to just accept his cancellation.
“Um, I’m not mad. But is something wrong? Why do you need to cancel?”
Ethan hesitated. “Um, no, nothing’s wrong… I just. Well, I kind of crashed when I got home, and when I woke up I just felt like maybe…” He trailed off.
May had a sudden premonition that she knew exactly what was wrong. She had gone too far in the mirror, and she was scaring him away. She had to convince him that the dream he just had was silly. Even though it wasn’t. She had to do it without letting on that she already knew about it.
May took charge, “Ethan, sorry, but that just doesn’t make any sense. We had a good time this morning, didn’t we?”
“Yeah…”
“Has something happened to make it so we can’t be friends anymore?”
May heard a pause as she imagined Ethan sifting dream from reality in his mind. “No.”
“So what is there to re-think?”
“I guess—hmm, well, okay. You’re right.”
“So, I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then?”
“Yes.” Ethan paused, “One condition, though.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“Please, don’t ask me to kiss you.”
May laughed, trying to make sure it sounded like it should. Like she didn’t know why he would say such a thing.
Ethan started laughing too, when he heard May’s reaction.
“Why, is that a problem you have a lot? Girls getting you alone and then demanding lip-service?”
“It seems that way, recently…” he answered, sounding a little confused.
“Fine, I won’t ask you to kiss me, if you don’t ask me to kiss you.” May felt like she was getting better at being coy with each passing day.
Ethan laughed, with a little relief in his voice, now. “Deal.”
May wanted to leave this phone conversation with a little flirtation, something to leave him thinking about her. “In fact, I’ll do you one better. I won’t just not ask you to kiss me, I will refuse to kiss you. Even when you beg me to.” She used the word when very deliberately. Before he could respond, she closed, “I gotta run, see you in the morning!”
She hung up the phone, very happy with herself.
She laid down on her bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about him. First she thought about his eyes, and how they wrinkled when he smiled. Then she pictured his easy laugh, and how he always tilted his head back—like he was releasing joy with his laughter that had a physical force behind it. May thought of how he had always seemed irresponsible to her before, but now it seemed more to her that he was unwilling to be insincere. If he did not see the value in something, he wasn’t going to do it. She adored his honesty and straight-forwardness. These were qualities she hadn’t taken the time to see in him before, and wondered if he was as frank with everyone as with her. She even started to admire him for his flirting. She began to see him as doing it out of generosity. It wasn’t that he wanted the attention, she thought. He just knows how happy he can make others. Yes, the more May thought about Ethan, the more perfect he seemed.
She steeled herself for breakfast with Ethan in the morning, recognizing that the biggest challenge for her would be in continuing interactions with him where they had actually left off. Trying to ignore this whole other history with him in her mind was actually wearying.
A small part of her regretted her time spent in the mirror. There was a battle raging inside her, one side pulled towards feeling like a cheap user, and the other felt like she was gaining the strength and wisdom to make her wishes come true for herself. Whatever the verdict, it was true that she had turned a complete one-eighty in a matter of days, changing from the manipulated to the manipulator.
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