Firstly, she felt kind of dirty for what she had just done. The knowledge that no one would ever know what had happened was the only thing that kept her from being sick. She resolved immediately that she would never consider that to be her first kiss. It would be to her as if it were a daydream.
All feelings of debauchery aside, she had really enjoyed kissing Ethan. She had been so caught up in the idea of making Jared furious that she never considered how the kissing might affect her.
Which brought her thoughts to the second point, which was that Ethan had seemed to be an equally eager participant. She had two divergent explanations for this. The first was that he was just into non-committal physical affection. This would not be surprising. The second explanation was that he actually did have feelings for May. She didn’t dare believe that to be true. May really wished she knew which was the right answer. For a split-second she entertained the idea of turning around now and going to back to ask him which it was.
But that brought on her third reaction, which was unexpected. She felt really guilty for using the mirror as an all-access pass into people’s hearts. She felt like the ultimate peeping tom. Manipulating Ethan had been bad enough; to use her pride’s newfound invincibility in this world to get him to confess things he may not ever have intended to say would be, well, despicable! She may have eventually been able to justify doing that to Ethan, as he was a fairly candid personality. Then her fourth reaction reared.
Ryan had a carefully guarded reticence about him that she did not want to violate. She didn’t know what to make of his speech to her. Listening to him talk, she sensed an almost brotherly concern for her. If only Jared had expressed himself the same way as Ryan did. Ryan had tried to persuade her by lifting her up, but ultimately said that he had wished her to be happy. This was just another event that left May in awe of Ryan. She felt just as flummoxed by his reaction to her as she did Ethan’s.
Again, she saw two alternatives. Firstly, that Ryan is just an amazingly decent guy, who wanted to point out her insanity without hurting her feelings. Secondly, that Ryan had some kind of special feelings for her, and he wanted to point out her insanity without hurting her feelings.
Her analysis wrapped up as she arrived back to her house. She went up into her room, and lay down on her bed. She tried to settle her thoughts so she could drift off back to the real world.
Her mind kept drifting back to that kiss with Ethan. He was a fantastic partner for the exercise, and she really wanted to do it again. Her crush on him before had always been something in the background. It never affected her daily routine or pushed into her thoughts when he wasn’t around. She had always felt a greater pull toward Ryan, but now she felt a blooming obsession with Ethan.
She had been in blissful ignorance, before. Now she had a glimpse of what a romance with Ethan could be like. Even if he had no thoughts for her during their kiss, she had some for him now. And she could easily project them onto his actions, if she wasn’t careful. May groaned. She could tell what she had done by going back into the mirror today was going to make her miserably jealous.
What could she do? Well, she could continue to sit by and allow Ethan to determine the direction their interactions took…or, she could take control like she did today. Had a girl ever tried to tame Ethan before? May didn’t know of anyone. There was a good chance she would suffer rejection if she tried. Was it worth it, for such a shallow attraction?
Then her thoughts swirled dreamily as she imagined the feeling of his lips against hers, as he held her in his strong, confident grip.
Yes, it would be worth a try, she decided.
May suddenly found herself back in front of her mirror, on that Tuesday afternoon. She was exhilarated by her new resolve to pursue Ethan. This was so not something she would ever have considered just two days ago. Now she thrilled at the unknown and wondered if she was completely deluded to think Ethan might respond positively to her.
She decided she needed a game plan of sorts. She had a plan when she went into the mirror today, and it had worked like a charm. She didn’t want to just do the same thing again, though. What she did before was cheap, and she wanted to see if he had actual affection for her. Throwing her heart around would surely hurt, so she knew she had to be guarded and smart.
The next three mornings with Ethan in his car would be the critical turning point in how he saw her, she decided. She knew that girls flattered him on a daily basis, and so if she just poured compliments on him it would probably go unnoticed. She needed to show him that she was interested in him. She got out a piece of paper and started writing down questions she could ask him to draw him out and feel that she wanted to know him better. Tomorrow she would attempt to drive the discussion.
What about Thursday, she wondered? She hoped to slowly escalate her interactions with him. She dropped her pencil and hopped up, deciding that she was being a little too strategic about things. First she should see what tomorrow would bring.
May headed downstairs, where her brother and his friends lounged around the television watching ESPN.
“What are you looking so smug about?” Jared asked, as she dug through the pantry in the adjoining kitchen.
May had to restrain her laughter as the image of Jared’s red face popped into her memory. “No smugness, here. Just excited about something.”
Jared gave her a wary gaze, and she could tell he was thinking, It had better not be the turd.
Ooh, he was not going to be happy if May’s new secret mission was a success. All the better! She thought.
The next morning, she woke up feeling anxious. Chickening out was still an option for her; the burst of energy she had yesterday afternoon had slowly faded leaving her to wonder if this wasn’t actually the worst idea ever conceived of. Yet, she still felt totally fixated on Ethan.
She picked out her clothes carefully, choosing an outfit that wasn’t too obvious. She pulled on the pair of jeans that were most flattering on her, and a long sleeved heathered cotton shirt that subtly played up her newfound curves. She had slept with her hair in braids, and now released them to reveal gently tousled waves. These she pulled up loosely, allowing a few tresses to hang softly around her face and neck. She looked at herself in the mirror, and was pleased with her work.
She gathered her things, and checked the clock. Ethan should be arriving any moment. Her heart began to pound. Breath she reminded herself. Just go at a pace that feels comfortable. You know he will be amazingly friendly as always, there is nothing to fear.
The sound of a car outside alerted her to his presence, and she peered out the window to see Ethan’s gray jeep stopping outside her house. She headed out the door, not waiting for him to honk, as she expected him to. She was surprised to see that he was getting out of his car as she crossed the lawn.
“Good morning!” Ethan called to her, always unnaturally cheerful.
“Hi!” she called back, and saw that he was going to the passenger side to hold the door open for her. “Oh, you’re such a gentleman!” She complimented him.
He laughed and said, “Wow, I don’t think anybody has ever called me a gentleman before.”
May easily teased back, “Maybe because you’ve never done anything to deserve it?”
As she climbed in the seat, Jared was coming out the door to meet his ride in front of the house.
“Hi there, Jared!” Ethan called to him, as though the two were friendly.
Jared wasn’t about to be played. “You better not mess with my sister, jackass.”
Ethan didn’t respond to the insult as he said to May, loud enough that Jared could hear, “Wow, sharp tongues must run in your family, May.” His ego seemed to be completely impenetrable. He got in the car and started driving them to school. “So your brother must really hate me, yeah?”
May tried to act as if she didn’t notice or care what her brother thought. His bold strike had surprised her though; she didn’t think he was actually that upset. “Apparently! Sorry he was rude to you, I don’t think you deserved it … this time.” She kidded him to lighten the mood. “Speaking of family,” May continued, “I had no idea Ryan was your cousin!”
“Really?” Ethan was surprised that May brought this up. “Yeah, I thought everybody knew that. I doubt he would really be my friend if we weren’t cousins. Blood is thicker than water, you know.”
“Why do you think he wouldn’t be your friend?” May thought this was a strange thing to say.
“Oh, I mean… come on! We are so different. He never says anything, but I feel like he just puts up with me sometimes. He thinks I’m—what’s that S.A.T. word we learned last week? Overly gregarious.”
May was surprised at how open Ethan was being with her. “Well, I’m not surprised that he would want to be your friend and your cousin. You say gregarious like it’s a bad thing! People think you are fun to be around, and I’m sure Ryan does, too.”
“Are you ‘people’?” Ethan asked. He saw her confusion and continued, “You said people think I am fun to be around.”
May struggled with whether to give in and feed his ego, or to be coy. Like he had no idea how much girls loved him? He had been candid with her though, so she thought it would be appropriate to respond sincerely. “Of course I think you’re fun to be around! Do you think I’d allow myself to be locked in a car with only you, otherwise?” She felt happy with her response… it was genuine, but it didn’t make her feel exposed.
“Maybe you just really hate walking.” Ethan winked.
May decided it was time to take over the conversation. “Nice use of the word ‘gregarious,’ by the way. Have you decided when you are going to take the SAT?”
“No… I haven’t even decided if I’m going to take it at all, actually.”
“What? Can you even do that? Just not take it?”
“Sure, why not? You only need it for college admissions.”
“But… don’t you plan to go to college?”
“I don’t know yet. I don’t know what I want to do, professionally speaking, so I don’t want to waste time and money while I try to figure it out.”
This totally shocked May. She wanted to be angry at him, to yell at him and tell him how stupid that was. She had always been taught that you go to college. It was a given… elementary school, junior high, high school, college.
“But… hmm-- wow.” Was all May could respond.
Ethan chuckled, “I take it you don’t approve of my perspective?”
“No, not really,” May confessed. “Don’t get offended, please, but I always just thought that anyone who wasn’t … trashy…would automatically plan to go to some kind of college after high school.”
“Don’t worry, we trashy types don’t offend too easily.” He kept smiling as he spoke.
“I guess I get what your point is, though. I’d never even considered putting college off like you are saying. It is actually kind of… well, wise. I can’t believe I’m saying that.”
“Wise? Gentlemanly? You do realize which cousin you are with this morning, don’t you?”
May felt a sudden blush. Was Ethan really so perceptive that he knew she thought of Ryan in those terms? And what is with the constant self-deprecation? That wasn’t his usual style. “Maybe you two are just more alike than you thought.”
They arrived at school, May was completely at ease and had forgotten all of her carefully planned questions. The conversation had been easy and she had felt like his equal. Not like he was condescending to be with her. She suddenly had an idea that she hoped would bring an even greater familiarity between them.
“Hey, Ethan…” she began as they walked. “Let’s go out to breakfast tomorrow before school. Wouldn’t that be fun? I’ll treat you and everything.”
Ethan lit up when she said this, which made her heart start burning. “That is an awesome idea, May! Except I couldn’t possibly let you treat me. Remember, I still haven’t even paid off my debt to you. I could hardly go in deeper now, could I?”
May rolled her eyes, “That? I’ve completely forgotten about that.”
Ethan looked at her for a moment and responded, “I think you are too nice to me.”
“Oh.” That was something May had been worried about, that she would be too agreeable, to the point that she seemed like an Ethan groupie.
“’Oh?’” He teased her, “What was that? No, I like it!” He nudged her with his elbow and said, “Let’s get to class.”
Even though they had developed what seemed to be a real friendship, Ethan was still Ethan. As they walked, he called out to a number of girls they passed along the way. May tried not to let it bother her, though. She knew she had no claim on him. She hoped he didn’t think she was going to be a jealous friend… that would surely scare him away from becoming anything more. So she decided to tease him.
“Ethan, you have so many adoring fans! How do you keep your head from exploding?”
"Well, I would ask you the same question."
May scoffed at him, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, come on! You know there are tons of guys who are your ‘adoring fans!’”
“Yeah, okay…” May said sarcastically.
“Oooh, It’s true though!” Ethan seemed to delight in this. “I know it for a fact.”
What could that mean? May wondered.
“But I’ve said too much,” he said, trying to torment her now. She refused to take the bait.
“Well, if that is true they are all a mystery to me. I can’t think of a single one.”
“Can’t you?” Ethan looked at her meaningfully. She was certain he was teasing, his expression was far too obvious.
“Right.” She said, her tone showing him that she didn’t buy it.
Ethan had walked her all the way into school, and now to her seat. She set down her bag, and started pulling her things out.
Ryan was already sitting, watching the two in silence.
“Oh, May!” Ethan said, his tone suddenly taking on an edge of the theatrical. “Can I borrow your book again?”
Before May could formulate an appropriately snarky reply, she heard Ryan let out a strange quiet growl that distracted her. She looked up at him, and was surprised that he seemed to be in a bad mood. She had never seen him anything but tranquil.
“Woah!” Ethan reacted. “Dude, I was totally kidding her! She knows that, don’t you?”
May didn’t really like the way Ethan used her to mess with Ryan, today or yesterday. She thought it was weird, and it made her feel awkward. “Good morning Ryan,” she greeted him, hoping to lift his spirits. “Don’t worry about me, I was about to tell him to bite me.”
“See buddy? I told you she was immune.”
Immune?
Ryan shot Ethan a look now that screamed SHUT UP. May had never seen Ethan irritate Ryan like this before. This interaction today made it obvious that they must be family. And she had definitely never seen Ryan so riled. She felt bad that she played a part, however unwilling, in it. She decided to find Ryan later and apologize to him.
After class, she stopped in the bathroom, then went to try and find Ryan. His locker was just around the corner from the bathrooms, and as she approached the corner she stopped short, because she heard someone saying her name. She paused to eavesdrop.
“…I’m sorry I was being so dark this morning, Ethan.” Ryan was saying. “I just had the weirdest dream last night, about you… and May. It kind of made me angry at you.”
“Really?” Ethan said with interest, “Man, I had a dream about me and May last night, too!”
These guys are dreaming about me? May’s heart started to race.
“Yeah, um…” Ryan laughed with a little bit of embarrassment. “I dreamt I saw you guys making out in front of the school, and then May announced to her brother that you two were getting married. And that you had four kids.”
Ethan whooped with laughter, and then said, “No way! I dreamt last night that May and I made out, too!” They both laughed as they agreed that their dreams were just too weird. May heard their voices get quieter as they walked away.
“Wait, did I have four kids with May, or I just had four kids?”
“No, it was like, four kids with four different girls.”
Ethan’s laugh was louder than the rest of the noise in the hallway when he heard that. “Ryan, what must your subconscious think of me?”
May couldn’t move. She was stunned. Did she have this right? The things that happened in the mirror… they weren’t entirely secret. The people she interacted with would remember it in their dreams?
Suddenly Jared’s angry answer to Ethan at the house this morning made a lot more sense. If he had just dreamed that his sister was going to drop out of school and marry this kid who really disliked, and then he showed up in the morning holding her door open for her… May slapped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud at that.
She didn’t know why she had never thought of it before, but she decided now that she really needed to learn more about this mirror-- how it worked, and why. Because apparently it did affect more people than just her.
1 comment:
This just gets better and better! I can't wait for the next chapter!
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