“Hey! I said ‘wake up!’”
May groaned and rolled over, finally letting her backpack drop from off her shoulders and shoving it onto the floor. She did not want to be conscious. Jared came closer to her, this time shaking her shoulders. If there was a more obnoxious way to be awoken than by the hand of a brother, she had never heard of it.
“Look, I’d happily tell him to get lost, but he won’t leave.”
May sat up at his words. “What are you talking about?”
“The door. I told you, Ethan is here to see you.” Jared looked like it was against his better judgment that he was telling her this.
Talking to Ethan was not something she wanted to do right now. She felt like she was a big walking open wound, and she mostly wanted to just lay really still and stop existing.
After a few moments without a response, Jared finally said with impatience, “Look, he already knows you’re here.” Then he softened and became more protective. “Do you want me to make him leave?”
May considered for a moment. If she let Jared scare him off, she probably wouldn’t feel any better. She assumed he was here to beg her forgiveness, since it was now probably common knowledge that Alicia had indeed been the thief. Still, this was a chance for May to stand her ground. Over the course of the day, she had been willing to follow his lead and let him determine all of their interactions. It had wound up being a complete roller coaster of a day. Everyone, Ethan included, had at one time told May that she was too easy on him—too accommodating. Though a big part of her craved to forgive him and be near him now, the smaller part of her was more persuasive. It made her ache inside, but it would be for the best.
“Yes,” May finally answered Jared. “Get rid of him, please.”
Jared looked as if May had just given him the greatest present he’d ever received. He went to the door without saying anything else.
Even straining as hard as she could, May couldn’t hear the exchange at the front door. When she heard the door close, she stood up stiffly and stretched. Her whole being felt cloudy-- both from the nap, and from the whirlwind of unresolved emotions swirling around inside of her. She hated feeling this way; something was needed to pull her out of this funk. But it wouldn’t be an escape into the mirror. Not now, or maybe ever again; she was beginning to abhor the thing for the havoc it had wreaked on her once normal, boring life.
No, she would go for a jog instead, she decided. May would hardly classify herself as an athlete, but she did enjoy the occasional burst of physical activity. Last year she had been in the habit of going for daily jogs, and they always left her feeling refreshed. Over the summer, she had fallen out of the habit. Today seemed like the perfect day to pick it up again.
After changing into her jogging clothes, she took off out the front door and headed along her old route. It would take her through her neighborhood and down to the park where she had eaten breakfast this morning. The full loop was only about two miles. She started out slow, she didn’t want to cramp up immediately from being out of shape. The action felt good, like with every stride the darkness over her mind lightened a shade. By the time she reached the edge of the neighborhood, she couldn’t remember exactly what had her bogged so deeply down to begin with. Of course, she hadn’t forgotten the day’s events, but they didn’t seem nearly as serious anymore.
The best part of her jog was coming up; it was always her favorite thing to run along the jogging path through the trees, up a small rise, and then suddenly the trees would part, and the wide silent river stretched out along before her. The path she was on teed into another jogging path that ran along a levy of sorts, parallel to the riverbank.
She began her way up the rise, holding her breath until she burst through the trees and overlooked the river. It was a little game she had played every time she reached this point. Two more strides would bring her to the top where she would turn and run along the levy path.
“Oof!” May ran right into another jogger at the top of the path, knocking them both over. “Ryan!” she exclaimed when she saw who she had crashed into. “Oh, I’m so sorry!”
Ryan wasn’t annoyed, though. “Wow, where did you come from?” He was already up on his feet again offering his hand.
May grabbed it, and he pulled her to her feet. She didn’t answer his question, she was so surprised to have run into him, yet again. “No, where did you come from? Where do you keep coming from? Holy crap, Ryan—you have got to be following me or something.”
He smiled at her, “I was going to accuse you of the same thing.” They walked together now in the same direction Ryan had been running. “I didn’t know you were a runner.”
“Well, I’m not really. I just really felt like I needed to get out and clear my head today.”
“Ah.” Ryan seemed to know exactly what she meant.
“What about you?”
“Oh, I’m training for cross country.” May suddenly remembered that about Ryan, that he enjoyed long distance running.
“Don’t let me slow you down, please.” She felt bad about butting into his training time.
Ryan smiled at her, and shook his head. “No, don’t worry about that. Actually, I’m kind of glad I ran into you… or, that you ran into me, I guess…” he winked. “I wanted to talk to you.”
A dozen different thoughts entered May’s mind about what Ryan could want to talk to her about. Nervousness rushed through her; she had the irrational feeling that she was in trouble for something.
Ryan read her expression, and tried to soothe her worry. “It’s nothing to be worried about, I promise. Let’s walk and talk?” May nodded, and waited for him to speak again. “I just noticed you and Ethan have been spending a lot of time together all of the sudden…” He trailed off, she could tell he felt awkward bringing up the subject.
“Yes, that’s true.” May volunteered. “But I’m sure he’s told you all about that.”
“Well, that’s just it—when I asked him about it, he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about. But I know I’m not crazy.” Ryan was shaking his head slowly.
Immediately, May knew that Ethan must’ve been trying to hide things from Ryan. Either so he wouldn’t be mad, or wouldn’t be hurt. Or maybe both. Since she wasn’t supposed to know that Ryan had feelings for her anyway, May decided to be honest.
“Maybe he was just trying to be discreet until he and I had figured things out,” May offered, “but as of lunchtime today we decided that we would like to date each other.” She didn’t add that, as of about an hour after lunchtime, things seemed to have hit a brick wall. Mostly because she hoped that once she agreed to speak to him, they would be back on good terms.
The revelation seemed to stun Ryan. “You two are dating? Ethan doesn’t date,” he said matter-of-factly. Apparently it really was Ethan’s policy to keep himself free and loose. The insecure part of May had thought he didn’t want to be her boyfriend because he knew he could do better.
“I guess he’s making an exception?” May shrugged. “He was reluctant about it, actually.” She admitted.
“I’m not surprised about that.” Ryan said. May stopped walking and inhaled sharply at his response. He whirled around, putting his hands out to placate her. “That came out wrong.” His face was apologetic. “No, what I meant was that, given his family history, I’m not surprised that he had a struggle with it. Dating you would be nothing to cause reluctance.”
“Family history? What are you talking about?”
Ryan struggled for a minute. “Well, it’s kind of private. I don’t think I should say.”
Curse Ryan’s faithful nature! Now May really wanted to know what he had been talking about. She felt like it would provide a missing piece to the puzzle that might make things with Ethan a little less perplexing.
“Please tell me, Ryan.” She looked at him with beseeching. “I have been so confused by the way Ethan’s treated me, it would really help me out to understand him better.”
Ryan sighed, “I’m sure I can trust you to keep this in confidence?” May nodded affirmation. “Ethan’s mom was only seventeen when she had him.” May gasped, but didn’t say anything. “She married his dad while she was still pregnant, but he left them before Ethan even turned one. It left her with a pretty low opinion of men in general. So Ethan and his mom lived with my parents until I was like five. Ethan’s mom has always pounded it into him that should never have a girlfriend. She’s also taught him to expect that pretty much any decision he makes as a teenager is going to turn out to be a bad one. He believes her, too.” Ryan sounded a little disgusted. “Imagine being a young man being raised by someone who believes all men are bad news.”
“It sounds like you think his mom has caused him to be, um, kind of messed up.”
“I mean no disrespect for his mom,” Ryan held up his hands, “I know she has her own reasons for teaching him the way she does;” then his voice turned more intense, “but I think it really does her son a disservice to let him think he is incapable of behaving as a proper man. I know him better than anyone, and he really wants to be a prudent sort of person, but he completely doubts his own judgment. So he tries to make as few decisions as possible. That’s the reason he is… how he is. He’s so flighty because he thinks it is better than being serious about something, and then having it all be a big mistake.”
“Wow.” May was stunned by this information. “I had no idea about that.” She had been right to want to know, it did make Ethan’s behavior make more sense. It also made her feel a very tender kind of pity for him.
“Yeah. So, now you understand why I was surprised that he would agree to be your boyfriend.”
“Oh, but he’s not my boyfriend.” I wish, she thought. “We struck a compromise. I wanted to be exclusive; he wanted to just like, admire each other from afar. The agreement is that we will date each other, but we will both date other people, too.”
She could see that Ryan was very pleased with the arrangement. “But isn’t that going to be hard? For you, I mean. You said you wanted to be exclusive. That is going to really… suck for you to have to see him with other girls.” Why was it that Ryan could so easily see things from her perspective?
“Yes, you’re probably right. I guess I’m just an idiot, though.”
“No, you’re not an idiot. Ethan is very… desirable,” May shot him a surprised look. “… Or, so I’m told.” He shrugged indifferently.
“Well, thank you for telling me. Really.” There wasn’t much else to say, and they were coming up to the point where May had planned to turn and head back to her house. “Um, here’s my turn…” then she quickly realized there was something Ryan could do to help her out. “Hey, could you do a favor for me?”
“Absolutely-- what is it?”
“Well, Ethan was going to pick me up in the morning, but I’m not going to school tomorrow. Could you tell him not to come by?” May thought it would be too soon to forgive Ethan, but she knew if she spoke to him she would end up doing it anyway.
Ryan was obviously perplexed by the favor. “Sure, but can you answer two questions for me?”
He was going to ask for her to elaborate, and she knew it. Oh, well. She still felt like she owed him for telling her more about Ethan. “I guess…”
“First, why aren’t you going to school… and second, if you two are dating, then why wouldn’t you want to tell him yourself?”
“Because I’m going to be sick tomorrow, and I’m not actually speaking to him at this moment in time.”
“Ah.” He didn’t say anything more. Again with the easy understanding!
May thanked him and said goodbye, then picked up her pace to a jog again as she headed back home.
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