She realized she was sitting down, now. It suddenly dawned on her that she wasn’t in her room anymore. She looked down to see she was dressed again in her cream sweater, and she was leaning on a desk. It was her desk from English class.
May felt her equilibrium and her grip on reality slipping simultaneously, and she placed her forehead against its cool surface. She closed her eyes and tried to be very still, attempting to find herself in her own mind. The desk felt cold and hard against her skin, just like normal. She tried to figure out what was going on, and why it should be so confusing to be in such a normal place. Then her mind clicked back into place, and she remembered why this was simply not right.
But I was just in my bedroom! She thought, the events of the day now back fresh in her mind.
Maybe I am dreaming? I don’t remember laying down, just looking in the mirror and wishing – But before May could complete her thought, she felt someone’s hand on her shoulder.
May looked up, to see Ethan standing next to her. Woah. Déjà vu. But as disoriented as she felt by whatever had just happened to her, she still firmly felt resentment towards him. He smiled down at her, but as she returned his gaze with an icy glare, his smile quickly lost its confidence. He looked confused for a moment, as though he had never seen anyone make an unpleasant face at him before.
Ethan quickly regained his focus, and putting a smile back on his face, he started to say, “May, I am such an idiot--,” but May already knew where this was going. She still wasn’t sure that she wasn’t dreaming, and her guard was completely down.
“Yes, you are.” May answered sourly. She lightly shrugged and twisted her shoulder to release his contact with her. “No, you can’t borrow my book. Bring your own next time. You think you can just smile at me and throw me under the bus? Not this time.” Part of her wanted to tear into him even more, but she turned to look straight ahead and ignore him now, her heart suddenly beating wildly in her chest. I can’t believe I just did that! She felt a feeling of euphoria washing over her at having said exactly what was on her mind.
Ethan was completely flabbergasted by her reaction. He seemed to fumble with his thoughts for a split second, not sure which was stranger; that she already knew what he wanted, or the unprovoked lack of civility. He seemed for a moment as if he were going to say something, but then turned around and went back to his seat.
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I am really re-doing my day! She thought with a surge of excitement. This meant she could go forward with no more embarrassment, no punishment, and no car accident. She was so lost in thought with this new development that she barely noticed as Mrs. Nelson gave the same lecture about bringing books to class as she had this morning, only this time Ethan was the victim of her wrath.
When class ended she got up and walked past Ethan without giving him much notice. She was wildly curious about what he might be thinking, but didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of her attention. She felt a little badly about being so rude, since in this universe at least, he hadn’t done much to deserve it. But she also had no doubt that if she hadn’t changed her reaction he would’ve used her and hung her out to dry just like he had the first time around.
Walking out the door, she passed Ryan again. It was just like last time, though his face was different now. Instead of disapproval, he had a small smile and amused look in his eyes. It made May wonder what Ethan was doing. But she still refused to look back at him.
Ryan startled her when he said, “See you later, May.”
May tried not to blush in surprise, and simply said, “Bye, Ryan.”
The rest of the day passed very normally, but May never shook off the feeling of elation from knowing that it could have gone so much differently. As she stood with her group of friends around their lockers after school, she kind of tuned out the regular chatter as she remembered the car accident she would now need to avoid. May felt confident that it wouldn’t happen this time around, but didn’t want to let her guard down in any case.
“Where’s Jared?” Emily asked May suddenly. Jared was in the habit of finding May after school near her locker so they could head home together. May figured he did it because he liked the way her friends got silly and giggly around him.
“He’s got plans today,” May answered, noticing again the flash of disappointment on Emily’s face. Of all her friends, Emily seemed the least interested in hiding her fascination with Jared. Sometimes this bothered May, but not today. She was still in a very good mood.
May decided to linger in the halls just a little bit longer to give the traffic a chance to die down. Not that it had helped at all before. May wanted to think of it as yesterday but it really wasn’t. It wasn’t earlier, either… it was just “the first time.” Still, her anxiety around other cars remained, so she would wait.
After about ten minutes, May ceased her wandering through the hallways, and started towards the parking lot. As she rounded a blind corner that would lead her to the door with the best access to her car, she walked smack into Ethan White.
May exclaimed, “Oh! Sorry!” She was over her anger at him now that her day had gone so well. She was half-hopeful that he might use his charm on her a little now, but wondered if now he might be mad at her. She had been pretty short with him, and he still had no idea why. May now waited for his reaction.
“Hey, no problem, May!” His words were cheery, but as that striking grin spread across his face, ordinarily meant (as she knew too well) to try to melt her insides, he suddenly stopped short. His expression was wary, now. Like he expected her to bite his head off again.
May wondered if she should apologize now, if she should try to talk to him a bit more. She did want to, actually. But as with Ryan, she didn’t usually say very much to Ethan. All her boldness this morning had been born out of the power of her fury, now that it had ebbed, she was left feeling a little gutless again. So she said nothing more than a simple parting word.
“Well, see you.” Then she walked out the building to her car.
She got home with no incident, though she did remember to double check at the stop signs this time around. No one else was home, so she turned on the TV. As she lounged on the couch, procrastinating her homework, she suddenly realized how very tired she was. Well, she had just been up for nearly two full days at this point! A nap sounded heavenly, so she curled up with her favorite blanket there on the couch and let the sounds of the TV drift in and out of her consciousness.
May could always tell she was about to fall asleep, because suddenly very strange dream-like thoughts that lacked reason would enter her mind. In a flash of rationality, she would note that they didn’t make any sense, just as she drifted out. She felt the illogical thoughts coming on now, and knew she was almost asleep. Suddenly, the room was dark and she felt a strange tingling sensation take over her body. Just the same as—
Then she suddenly jolted back aware. The darkness faded, the light gathered, and the tingling ceased. She stood, looking into her mirror, in her pajamas. Face still blotchy from crying.
“No!” she yelled into her reflection, as she realized she was back to her original reality. The reality where she had let Ethan have her book, gotten in trouble, caused a car accident. She started to cry again now, for grief at the loss of her much-better day. What had all that been? She was so certain it had been real. It couldn’t have been a daydream. It was so vivid, she had felt things, smelled things, tasted them. She had even learned things that she was certain must be real, that she hadn’t known before. It didn’t make sense for it to not have been real. Then again, it also didn’t make sense that it was real.
As May stood there in her room, thoughts spinning without a chance of finding order, she heard the sound of the front door opening. Her Mom. The car. Oh, why?
“May?” May could hear from the edge to her mother’s voice that she wouldn’t need to break the news about the car to her. She had to have already seen it. May took a deep breath, and went to talk to her mom. Hoping that the tears on her face would move her mother to pity her, and not make the day any worse.
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